She has to have remorse and she has to make it up to you. If you get the marriage back you will NEVER be happy unless she somehow makes it up to you.
Making it up to you may not be grovelling or apologizing every day.
It may be simple recommittal to the marriage and recommittal to YOU. This includes all typical roles in a marriage as a wife.
Over time, the pain will drop off.
In my situation I went through 3 years of gaslighting, lies, drama and being treated worse than dirt due to her affair. It was painful and it was on me 24x7. She also was projecting into me. Screwing me over hard.
She felt a 5 minute apology with no change in behavior, no-sex, no intimacy would make up for it.
I'm also treated mean today, because she got so used to doing it to me before during and after the affair.
For mine to make it up, she'd recommit to me, apologize through her actions and sincerity to me and our situation and work to making an awesome marriage for us and the kids.
