Deep, dark, ugly thoughts that I don't want

[june72]

Anyhow, since I am rambling I may as well get into my weird overall view of things.

Since I was a nurse I like to use deathbed scenerios to get me to refocus.


If this man (my hubby) were to be dying tomorrow, how would I feel about him? Would his shortcomings bother me? Would I have any anger towards him? Would I feel all the love I have for him in a strong way? Would I have any regrets? Remorse? Angst?


I think it justs gets me to refocus on the big picture and not the "less than perfect". Make sense.


I mean you see a person dying and families surrounding them sad. I mean what really matters in life? We could be dead and gone tomorrow. To borrow my husband's phrase: "We are not guaranteed tomorrow" and it is so true. I really try my hardest not to get stuck in menusia (sp?- can not find the correct spelling...)
To not get myopic, if that makes any sense at all.


I get frustrated some times with the marriage, worn out but....can I really expect my ideal marriage all the time, can I expect perfection or constant happiness. I mean that would be silly.

So sometimes I feel like I have no more in me left. I just remember the grand big picture.
And my kids, becasue nothing is more important than my kids.