LSG - did you ever sit down and calmly tell your W what you expect about the OM. She told you it was over, but you understandably don't believe her. For example, I have read from others ideas on expectations like:
- no contact (expect the odd screw up for a couple weeks) - if she's out late, she needs to let you know
As long as the items are fair, reasonable, and compassionate (she hurt you, but leaving OM must be hard too even though it is 'evil').
I'm wondering this because each time you feel suspicious, you end off reacting. The money is a good example. What she did was weird, but it isn't protecting your family to take the money that is there out. It is controlling. Why? Because you have no reason to believe she would actually leave you pennyless and your kids starving.
What she did was STUPID, and mean. I totally get why you wanted to control the sitch. Control doesn't make trust. You want to trust her, but why would she want to earn your trust if she can't trust you either? Two wrongs don't make a right.
I think having these clear expectations would let her know that when she chooses to try hard to meet them, you will begin to forgive her and try to rebuild her love for you.
