I hear you Kalni.I know you are right. I know I can't let it affect my interactions with him. What do I do when I get flooded with pain> that is what is hard.
Now I"m journalling my feelings here, obviously I need to keep this all from H...
I don't know if I can do this! I'm having such a hard time letting go, I don't know how. I don't know how to stop hurting.
I'm resentful that he's given up on our marriage. I am so mad at myself for screwing it all up. I"m honestly no good at any of the DB stuff. In my heart I just desperately cling.
How do I not want anything from him? I may be able to stop acting on it, but how do I stop feeling like I want him back? HOw do I stop all my regrets about the things I did to lose him?
He knows he has this power over me! And I don't know how to stop it! And I hate myself even more for letting him have all the power to know I'm sitting here with all the desire for our M and him none. I know that pushes them away and yet I can't help but feel that. I have enough hard time not acting on it - but even if I feel it he senses it. So it seems impossible.
