Thank you Kissak - I know there is not much anyone could say right now. But I can relate to the walking on eggshells...never again.
So H unloads this news on me last night and then he invites D and bunch of her friends over to his apartment for pizza and to watch a game. What's with this hanging out with teenagers...?(the boys are 18-19 and I know that he'd let them drink beer last time he invited them)
D said today that they had good time....great and I was bawling my eyes out all alone in here. Grrr
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
Oh Mila I feel so bad for you now, hearing those words is so hard I know and having no one close who really understands the pain (except us here who have been through it) is very hard, I listened 3 times to the I love the OW and we had such problems in our marriage before the affair (when all along you thought your marriage was a good one a strong one.) You are right he wants to feel good and see's the "no responsibility" route as the easiest way to go after all if he chose to reconcile with you he would have to deal with everything he has done to you and your D.
The time will come eventually when he will have to deal with those things and I hope you have the patience to see it through. Every day for me is a struggle, the more hurt he causes the more I question a R, then I remind myself how miserable and lost he is and I realise that although I feel pain he feels it too but will never show it.
Keep your chin up, find things to make YOU happy and enjoy your daughter...sending ((((hugs)))) your way
Thank you forever...you are right he wants to feel good and thinks the OW is the answer, yet every time he makes that step he doesn't seem happy either. More then once he told me "I can't stand causing you all this pain" ... could be just guilt, but I think his feelings for me are still somewhere buried deep inside overshadowed by the new intense "love" he says he feels for the OW.
D just told me that WH was asking how I'm yesterday, told D "I know that mom is really upset, I feel so bad...."
Oh well he has to live with what he is doing. They are breaking up 2 families...OW is leaving her 2 young kids behind...let her live with that...I don't understand how a good mother could do that.
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
Your H is addicted to the rush of chemicals in his brain called infatuation. They equate this with love.
But true love is the love we have for them. That means we wait and watch while they swirl in their vortex. The unconditional love that allowed them to be who they are. Not the love based on infatuation, cheating, misery and the trashing of their childrens and spouses love.
All our H have a lot to forgive themslves for when the journey is finished.
Libby - you are right somehow they discount unconditional mature love as "not enough" and think this new chemical "High" is the real thing. I see how it could be more exciting...and that's what they want...to feel alive, to forget that they are aging, the children are growing up, that the clock is ticking...it just makes them think that they are getting new lease on life.
That high does wear of after a while...we will see what happens then.
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
Please tell me anyone what the H*** is wrong with my WH????
After telling me all he told me yesterday and after me telling him that I don't want to see him or talk to him for a while, he is sending me e-mails asking me to do things for him. Email first thing in the morning. "I'm expecting something to be dropped off at the house for me, could you call me when it gets there?" (Not business related) I didn't reply.
Second e-mail is about business, he asks me to do something and at the end he says THANK YOU SWEETIE....
Thank you sweetie???? after telling me yesterday that he doesn't want me he wants the OW? GRRRRR.....
And as I'm typing this I get another one "I am concerned about you, I was sending some emails earlier, trying to be business-like... Would you like to talk?"
What do I do with him?
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
Go dark. Really. As much as you can runnning a business together. To me it sounds like he is trying to check in to see if you meant what you said and maybe he is trying to test to see if he is actually losing you. Let him feel what a world without Mila in it would be like. Let him be miserable.:) Let him know you meant what you said.
He feels that he made her leave her H...he must feel responsible.
UGH, just getting caught up, been busy, and I'm so sorry to hear H is being a jerk again.
This is so true. My H's last EA 5 years ago, he kept going back. Once we were well into R and she called to say she was in the hospital and had her gall bladder taken out because of a broken heart... H fell for it. HE FELL for that. He's an educated man - it's incredible what the addiction / brain fog does. He also didn't remember anything about her after the EA was over. I wonder why that happens, the forgetting??? Well, going to finish reading. Hang in there.
