The journey begins

[faithisbelieving]

LOVE IT. FIB

[ClingingToHope]

Yesterday was opening day for my company's softball teams. We played games in the morning and at night. I was 5-for-6.

I'm no superstar. With the economy the way it is the league keeps getting weaker and weaker.

After the second game I made Financial Peace University. I'm feeling better and better about things there. It has charts showing how much wealth you can generate over certain times.

Obviously, I don't have 40 years of work left so I'm not going to be a millionaire. But I do have 25 years left and I can get close if I continue doing what I've been doing the past month.

I thought a couple of times about STBXW and her family. I've spent so much energy keeping ALL of them above water and now that's not my role -- and I don't miss it. It's so hard to be with someone who doesn't share your goals or values.

I imagined myself in 15 years when D7 is graduating college. I can see myself taking her on a trip to California or Europe as a graduation present. I will lead by example.

Sad note -- not too sad, just a reminder how kids struggle.

After school we were at the house -- I refuse to call it STBXW's house -- waiting for the afterschool sitter. D7 and I were sitting under a tree so she could read a book.

She stopped midway through and asked "Why don't you just move home?"

I told her mommy doesn't want me to.

"She doesn't?"

No. And she'd be really mad if I did.

When the sitter got there I left D7 in the house and she ran out telling me I had to see something. STBXW painted and its beautiful.

She wouldn't let me leave. So I went in. STBXW painted and tried to wallpaper a wall. And she jacked it up. It looks terrible. So she'll either need to spend MORE money fixing it -- or just follow my advice and just put it on the market as is and let it be a short sale.

Here's a question to the group -- for those of you who get this far -- when the damn thing sells, I know I have to sign all of the paperwork, but do I have to do it at the same time or same room she does? Can I show up later or stipulate that I want a different room.

I really don't want to sit in the same room with her when this disaster is finished.

[bright_new_day]

I had to sit in the same room at the same time as my X when we sold the house. I am not sure if they can do it at different times, but they may be able to do different rooms. You could ask your agent about that possibility.

[NoCodeBlues]

In my case, the signings were separate. We each showed up at different times to the real estate lawyer's office.

[BobbiJo]

I had to sign off on ex's paperwork for his new house! He got the loan without me but bc we were still married I had to sign that I okayed it...anyway we did it at the same time.

However that is not a requirement. All that matters is that papers get signed. You may have to do it the same day, even in the same time frame if it is moving quickly, but nothing says you have to do it together. Have her sign, then you, or vice versa...just two ships passing...

Good job on the softball! I have always had an irrational fear of the ball (not too irrational since my first ever practice at age 6 I was hit in the nose and it bled!)...

At least you were honest with your D. Mine know I wanted to stay with Daddy and it was his choice to leave. I won't lie about that...

[ClingingToHope]

Good note on the detachment thing. I had three different softball teammates ask me how Friday -- settlement conference -- went and I just shrugged.

For 11 months, anyone asking how I was doing would get at least a five minute response on the latest stuff.

Yesterday, I really didn't feel like talking about it. I'm tired of talking about it.

I think that's good.

BBJ, at least your nose healed properly. It looks good on the alt.

My claim to fame is my fielding ability. I'm not much of a hitter. For 15 years if teams needed a shortstop or second baseman I'd get a call and if STBXW OKd it I'd go play. Kind of a "Need Glove Will Travel" guy.

But five years ago I got a bad hop in the eye and a permanent -- though not that noticeable scar -- and my motivation to play really competitive state-level softball kind of went away.

I just like the low level company game now.

[BobbiJo]

Thanks! Yeah it wasn't a serious injury just left me always expecting to get hit. Even when I go to Cardinal's games I hate sitting in that 'line-drive-type-foul-off-the-bat' territory. Freaks me out...granted I would be a lot more injured if one of those balls hit me!

I think I could handle sloooooooow pitch...

[ClingingToHope]

Urghh. I don't know why it's continuing to bother me. D11 was telling me about this cool house STBXW looked at. She really likes it.

I tried to tell D11 I really didn't want to hear about it. But she wanted to tell me about it because it's the kind of house she wants to buy when she grows up because she's never going to live in an apartment.

I kind of smiled, but it was more of a gritting of the teeth.

I'm in a f*ck*ng apartment because for 15 years STBXW never saw a dress or pair of shoes that she just had to have today and I spent that time figuring out a way to make it happen.

So now I'm buried in mountains of debt and living on a tight budget while she's daydreaming of houses even though her credit will be shot, she'll have five or six max credit cards and no down payment.

Unless her mom magically conjures a bunch of money for her, she's going to have to face reality and rent something.

It shouldn't bother me. Lord knows I have enough to worry about on my own, but right now I'm really p*ss*d off.

[awest1217]

Are you sure there isn't anyone else in the picture? Or maybe MIL and STBXW are going to live together?

It just seems very stupid of STBXW to take the girls to nice houses that she can't ever buy. Her credit will be shot and there is no way she will have a large down payment. It just all seems very fishy and odd.

Sorry this all stinks big time. Maybe with D11 you have to start taking a harder stance and let her know when you really don't want to hear about STBXW. Let her know it bothers you because it hurts to think about. You don't have to go into everything, but letting her know it bugs you, will probably help her to stop. Now make sure it is just on that particular issue so she doesn't stop talking all together, but I think it is ok to set boundaries with the girls about what you want to know concerning STBXW.

[ImprovedRomeo]

CTH, if her credit is screwed up I can almost guarantee she won't qualify for the loan. These days (at least here) they want 20-25% down payment and a strict credit check. More importantly, what STBXW does is not your problem anymore, if she can't make the payments on it etc who cares? in fact, it'll make her realize that you're no longer there to save her behind anymore. Stick to your budget, keep your 5,10,15,20year financial plan- you'll come out ahead of the game.

As for D11 telling you about it, just give her an ear to listen but don't think about it. Kids are kids and sometimes they don't know or realize what they're saying is hurtful, they're really clueless so instead of telling her any grown up stuff you can just listen and if you must reply don't say anything bad about STBXW, not even anything sarcastic.

Detach my friend, how's the Abandonment book coming along? I'm waiting for your nuggets of wisdom you're gaining from it