Again these are all opinions, my opinion is for the LBS dealing with a WAS who is having an affair, do it, it helps change your mindset, it helps you stop pursuing, it makes you more confident, it helps with a ton of stuff and I think it makes you more attractive to your WAS, you're no longer waiting for them, you no longer become a backup option to them, you remove options from them and add options to you - it's counter-intuitive and it works.
I agree 100%, except for the counter-intuitive part. I think it is intuitive!
If you are still attached to your spouse and have hope to save your M, you are in little danger of helplessly falling for someone else. In fact, they've got quite a high bar to jump. If you meet someone you click with so well that they reach and exceed that bar, well, there you go. That's a very useful piece of information. We're not kids any more. Trust that you're capable of knowing the right thing to do with that information.
It's really not all that different from dating when you're completely single. We all have reasons we would resist getting involved with any particular person at any particular time. Being separated from your M is one of those things. The dating I've done while separated has never made me feel I was doing anything wrong, because I knew my W had abandoned our M, she was involved with someone else, and although I had hopes of saving my M, I knew if I met someone I wanted to pursue a R with, I was free to do so.
As rob says, it totally changed my mindset, changed how my W saw me, stopped my pursuing, and made me more attractive to her.
