Maybe you could back off the R talk after the other night's argument to assess her feelings on the M. It could help you see if it had any lasting impact to build on the positives in your current sitch.
She seems friendlier and that is good. See what you could do to improve that attitude from her. Try to avoid discussing whether it is over or not. This is hard when you are so p!ssed about everything, but it could cool the waters to have a more productive conversation with her if she is open to talking calmly with you. Neither of you seem to have talked to an attorney which is also positive.
Continue to detach and back off for a while. It will take time and is hard to do, but it seems to be necessary from other success stories. Stay strong for you and the kids.
Try to see the positives in the R and build on them where possible.
It will take time to reach a decision for you, but you will not make the right one if you react to the sitch based on emotion. This is where detaching will help you.
Listen to others to find the best help you can. Read robx's thread. It is very interesting and will help maybe to keep you strong and focused on your objective.
ME-41 W-33 M-8 D-8 S-4 D 5/17/2010 www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1961097#Post1961097
