Well here I am now. Moved over from DBD

[Gardener]

g450,

You guys are right. Im throwing the letter in the trash when I get home. Thanks.

Good

I have always tried to be the better person, the understanding one that knows she is ill.

which a WAW/MLC/wife with OM, etc., views as weakness, not goodness.

I remember she warned me not to call or say anything to her family (=guilty conscious=PA, imo). Im above that of course but how dare she insinuate I would do that in the first place.

Tell everybody. And if you get proof of PA, expose, expose,. expose.

Sadly, I still love the woman

Give this some serious thought. and reflection, g450. Do you love the person she's become, the person she is now?
If you're honest with yourself, you'll probably discover that - like most of us here - you love a memory. The memory of a person who no longer exists.

Good luck.

[WalkingMan]

Would you want to be with someone who does not respect you? Trust me, she doesnt even respect herself, how can she respect you?

[g450]

No she does not respect me and I do not want to be with her anymore. Or at least not the person she is now. And yes I am in love with the old her. Even if she came back to me asking for forgiveness, I would always wonder who she really loved.
Somewhere out there is a better mate for me who can appreciate me and respect me.

That is why I moved here. She broke my deal-breaker with her affair and that is when I stopped DBing and having hope for reconciliation.

The only reason I am still here in this forum is to help me heal and to help others if I can. And to vent occasionally.

Since I have zero contact with her now there should be little reason to post about her. I need to get her and her affair out of my mind. Hard to do at this point. This haunts even my dreams now.

[WalkingMan]

It will take quite some time, but I have to say that once I started DB'ing to save my marriage, I was actually saving myself. I turned my life around and now it's the xw who feels like the LBS because she sees how much better my life is now that I've moved on.

It's going to take some time, but freedom from pain and regret feels great. Being able to do what you want.

[g450]

Well just a quick update. Things are getting a little strange.

My Son will be transfering to Austin in a few days so I will now be living completely alone. It was bound to happen sooner or later. I will miss him living here but I know I will be OK by myself now.

The thing that bothers me is that he spoke to his mother recently and she did a 180 on us. She planned on moving back to her hometown in three years after she gets her retirement. She told me, him and all her facebook/classmate friends that she missed Corpus Christi and wanted to be back home with her family and friends etc.

Now she is telling him that she will live in his house, may buy it from him and may live here indefinetly "if your father leaves me alone". WTF?

I have always left her alone. She was the one that would call me, not the other way around. And now she wants to stay here in our town instead of going home to her family and friends?

Something here just doesnt compute. I know I should care less but this makes me wonder what she is thinking.

[WalkingMan]

Maybe you should think about moving to Austin. Living there has been great for me after my divorce!

[g450]

Not a good idea for me to move to Austin.

I have to stay in current job to retire (if ever). And I do not want to rent out my home. It's paid for.

Son tells me he can transfer again in 6 months.

And even if I lived there, his reason for going there is to give his GF 100% of his time so I would be competing with her for that.

I will be fine. There are benefits to having all my privacy back as well. Who knows, maybe Ill have somebody move in with me in the future. Austin is only a two hour drive from Cove anyway.

It's just going to be hard adjusting. Went from having a family to being completely alone overnight it seems. But I will live.

[WalkingMan]

Hey, I know what you mean. A snap of the fingers and your suddenly living a new life. It all seems like a blure to me as I look back. A year and a half...gone. But trust me, it gets better....especially after you begin to feel your freedom and that your life really is yourse.

[g450]

Yeah I do have my freedom. Being pretty much a homebody / family man with no family I have no clue what to do with it right now. I am starting to date though. And that is scarry within itself.

There are some nice women out there but there are some nutjobs as well. Some of them simply have issues themselves. It's like Im dating my ex-wife sometimes. But to be fair, we all have issues at this age.

My problem is that I tend to dwell on my lonliness. I am not used to being completely alone and it eats away at me.

I don't like the club scene but I find myself going there more than Im really comfortable with. It's like Im searching for a replacement for my wife and I will never find it. Not healthy Im sure. I have to get over that feeling somehow.

[WalkingMan]

Yep, I think what you are going through is completely normal. Last summer I dated quite a bit...all kinds of women. In the end, I figured I wasnt ready and I just didnt want to force it. So I just did what I wanted to do and try and be happy. Then I met someone.

The truth is we all have some sort of baggage. We just have to decide how much it influences us. The good thing is that after this, you should trully know yourself and know who works for you.