Now,while I understand wanting to shoot the messenger, don't overlook the value in the message.
XH has a point about DS's bank account... But, he really has no business butting in. Creep. How about: "Thanks for sharing that he brought that concern to you. That will be something for DS and me to work out. Next time, it would be great if you could send DS to me to share his concerns directly. It's probably better if we try to stay out of each other's parent-child relationships." Then, work it out with DS.
As for the FaceBook stuff, I fear XH may have a point too...
Look, would you tell your son directly that his father downgraded? Would you tell that to a friend with DS present? Well, yes, because that is exactly what you've done on FaceBook. Maybe not so great for DS. Indeed, he may be the "friend" that brought it to the attention of DH. I'd even put my money on DS being pissed off and lashing out at DH with that quote, maybe within earshot of GF, which is perhaps what got DH worked up. (See, I tell major backstories with the best of them.)
But, whatever, it doesn't matter. If DS is part of your Facebook community, then you need to make that community safe for him. End of story. I don't use FB, but aren't there different levels of stuff, different ways of setting access so that someone doesn't even know they aren't seeing all of the content? Maybe it would be good to put in some limits on his access in any case.
IF your regular FB page is the same FB page that you share with some friends from these here parts, you are involved in some very adult communities dealing with very adult subjects. (Though, maybe you have a separate page for that?) It is a little too much too soon for DS to be introduced into those communities by following links from your page. Moreover, DS could easily find his way over to this board and to your posts... So, perhaps parental controls are in order.
Still, I surely understand the Get the F Out of MY Life sentiment. So, how to respond to XH on the facebook thing?
First, it is worth noting that it sounds like you REACTED to XH as if HE had a problem with you calling his GF a downgrade. And, FWIW, he probably did. BUT, the concern he expressed was for DS seeing that message. That is a valid concern. Your reaction was about old stuff, not about the concern for DS.
"That's a valid concern, thanks for raising it. I'll decide how I want to address it."
Really, both these issues are probably things that DS went to DH with, and for sure one of them is. Do you really want DH to stop sharing this info with you? Or, do you want to try to co-parent at a level on which you can at least share this kind of information and concern?
I certainly understand Wii's sentiment. But, for your own sake and your kids' sake, resist the urge to continue to throw the A in XH's face, even if it is just in your own mind. The past is past. You are parents together. Something that happened years ago doesn't justify not making an effort to have a useful co-parenting R. So, don't make your co-parenting choices about problems in an old R that no longer exists. But, you already know that lol.
Try not to take things personally. Listen for what is useful in what XH shares without making it about you or the old M. If you resent XH sharing these things with you because you don't share similar concerns with him, consider that he's opened the door for you to do so. Email is probably best, lol.
