After reflecting on yesterday and everything he'd said to me and the way he is obsessed with OW...maybe it will work between them. It's not about choosing what he wants anymore, he had already made his choice - OW.
I'm loosing hope, I'm probably fooling myself thinking that he may ever be coming back.
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
Don't believe anything you hear...remember? And only half of what you see!
Yes, he has chosen OW for now and maybe it will work or maybe it won't...I know how you feel Mila...I just keep hoping that the difference in my H's and his OW's lifestyles will eventually catch up with them and he will leave her, although that doesn't necessarily mean he'd come running back to me. !
You can do this...get back on the horse!!!!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
After reflecting on yesterday and everything he'd said to me and the way he is obsessed with OW...
Obsessed with OW....that is not love.
You did good talking to your H. Going as Dark as possible will be good for you. It did me wonders to do that with My H. He still remembers that time...of course it only lasted a month, but it helped me ALOT!
Try to focus on you and your daughter for now.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
Kissak - your situation gives me hope that anything is possible, you have been where I am and eventually your H came back.
I'm going over the conversation I had with him yesterday and remembering what he had said. For example I said "Do you still believe the OW? She has been flip-flopping for so long". He said "We both have, it's hard...but this is a process". So maybe he is not as sure as he appears, but he has new resolve now that she has decided to give it another go. It again gave him the strength to push all of his other feelings aside. They pump each other up every time they reconnect.
OW's H said that his W told him that it was her who pulled the plug last time and my H was really upset about it, but came running back to me the same day telling me that he wants to R.
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
Don't be so quick to give up, this IS MLC, after all, and the OW is an addiction/band aid/diversion from his pain.
There are some people that have to see the door literally closing on them before they will scurry inside...and it has not even been a day since you made it clear to him that you'll not contact him as long as OW is in the picture.
Back away, and allow God to work on him, Mila...things can change in the blink of an eye, even in MLC.
One day at a time, one step at a time...TIME to watch things is a huge factor in MLC, no guarantees, only time, and continuing on your journey.
It's up to you as to how you want to do things, it was always up to you.
I felt like I was drowning in a sea of sorrow, and things didn't look right, smell right or taste right at that time for me.
Stay open to your intuition, it's already strong enough that you know things that you'd never known before.
Get on with your life AS IF he's not coming back, and hold firm for now....you'll actually know when there is a shift/change within the situation; I always knew when things changed.
Stay dark, and take things one day at a time.
Understand things can go either way, and accept that whatever will happen, is going to happen; your husband has the ball in HIS court at this point.
Wait and watch, GAL....you will know when things take a shift for better or for worse.
Don't make ANY major decisions while under emotional duress...you have nothing but TIME at this point, so, there's no hurry to do anything to further cut him off.
Take care..I can tell you nothing else..it's in the hands of God at this point.
Remember, as each person is different, every MLC/Transition is different..what works for one may not work for another. Most of the time it is trial and error for ALL involved.
One thing that kept me going was that I was constantly reminded that it was ultimately MY decision in the end. If he ever wants to come home again...it will be YOUR decision...the ball will be in your court.
Take care
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
If he ever wants to come home again...it will be YOUR decision...the ball will be in your court.
I think to some extent although the ball is in his hands, on his court, you still can make things worse if you want to. That is what you can control, I think you are getting good advice, detach, NC and watch and listen to what he does with the ball. It is a slippery ball and he might fumble it!
HB - thank you for the pep talk, I really need it now.
He knocked me right back to the bottom of the pit again. And I will climb out again. I just need to process all of this and start building the stairs out. I'm starting to have lots of experience at climbing out of this proverbial pit...so it should be faster then the last time
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
Kissak - somehow that's not comforting today, but I'm sure It will be. In the last round of this mess when he said he wanted to R, I didn't just jump up and down with happiness like I did the first time he wanted to comeback. I wonder what I'll feel next time he wants to R? (If there is one). Maybe nothing.....
OP - Once I'm out of the pit (It will be soon...I'm giving myself a time limit lol) I will continue what I was doing before ...but much better...GAL, DETACH!!!!! and watch wayyyy from a distance what happens next.
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
Sorry Mila I cant offer more comforting words to you today....sometimes there is nothing anyone can say. You just have to deal with it the best you can.
I know each time my H came back it werent as exciting as before, actually it was more stressful for me...always anticipating him leaving again. I would often think I was in better moods with him not there anyway. I hated walking on eggshells
Hoping your day gets better.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
