So he texts me this morning "Hey, I'm in the city this morning and can pick up S at your rehearsal. I don't know where your rehearsal is, let me know." Um, yeah, I already told him where rehearsal was. I couldn't help but feel this was BAIT.
This means one or both of two things -he's at OW's, -he's been partying and stayed over somewhere. None of this is the man I married. Either way my adrenaline shot through the roof. I have consistently asked for the respect that he tell me [b]none of his "personal life" especially around OW and also around partying. The fact that he disrespected this leads me to believe he was trying to upset me. He likes to do that.[/b]
I did not text him right away. I had to calm down or I was going to blast him for being so disrespectful and just make things worse. I also figured if he is going to disrespect my requests, I don't have to do anything. So I took S with me to rehearsal for a couple hours while H continued to call/hang up.
When I was ready, I txted H and laid this boundary: "I guess you weren't listening when I said I do not want to hear about your private life, or when I told you exactly where and what time I would be at rehearsal. I also want firm plans in advance from now on, a request you have continually ignored. You can come pick up S at _______"
Why should I bend over backwards to be "flexible" with the schedule (I am normally a flexible person) when H uses this to hurt me and rub OW in my face? And, when he flips a raging lid if I'm ever late. AND how about the times he has stormed off or threatened to storm off when it was his day with S? NO, he has too much power here. H needs to stick to a schedule and show me he can follow through. So I didn't fight, I didn't even talk to him. I didn't explain, defend, or try to make him listen. I simply wrote what I expect from now on.
I am proud of myself that I calmed myself down after the minibomb this morning. I felt like flipping out and going home to cry myself to sleep, but instead, I calmed myself down, took some space, and got on with my day.
Hope, you are moving forward and I a glad about that. Anger and pride are signs your self esteem kicks back in. Please make sure you recognise what you are going through and dont focus on the wrong things. I dint get how he shared anything with you about his private life or OW or partying. He said he was in the city. After that you went off, ASSUMING what he had been doing.
Then you contact him and tell him you dont want to hear anything about his private life. Well, HE DIDNT tell you anything and at least during the interaction you described he didnt rub OW in your face!!! That's how YOU felt and if his goal was to upset you, he managed to do that...
The last part about your S and schedule is something you do need to handle firmly so that he understands he cant be playing with you. But that is all. Hope, I can understand how you feel. I do. Hugs K
And that was not a minibomb.You better be prepared for real minibombs.
