That makes at least six of you all doing basically the same thing (and there are many more examples to choose from)....the hang in there patiently method.... I don't see any success in these. I see pain and men who are getting tired and worn out. It isn't working guys..
Different times in hanging in there..
All getting the same results... giving and not getting much back. All looking for any sign of hope... None able to say it has turned the relationship into a mutually loving reciprocal give and take.
So for those of you that are less further along,just look at those ahead of you. That is you down the road. That doesn't even include the ones that have been on here still trying this method after one year and even as much as over two years. (and there are quite a few of them)
Notice the words "enduring this" and "painful" and "I don't know if I can take much more"
That isn't healthy talk guys. That doesn't sound like a man who is happy. Why would you do this to yourselves is beyond me. Especially when it isn't working in the final analysis. One month up to two years.... A few crumbs thrown your way to give you hope, but just go ahead and ask them what they want and the women will all give you about the same answer...
Then compare it to the men who let the woman go and took a tougher stance and showed strength..... Puppy,Steve McQueen, Robx, Coach (the ones giving the opposite advice to OIN)
Here you go.....
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Registered: 03/02/10 Posts: 56 Loc: OH SMM23
have done the 180's and turned things around in my life. I have been happy again for teh first time in many years. I am finally comming to terms with what has caused all of the pain in my life. My WAW is in the house but away emotionally. She is in a seperate room, no wedding ring and no relations. I have done what I can do to improve myself, and I know better than to try to force her to fix things, but I am very frustrated. Do I really just stand around and wait for her to come back or not???? This cannot be right. We get along with talking and parenting very well and act as if nothnig ever happened. In fact in some ways it is better than it ever was. I know that she resents me for some of the things that have happened in the past. How do we deal with these problems? How does she need to deal with it. I just cannot believe that I need to sit and wait for the day that a light bulb goes on and she is ready to do these things, especially since she NEVER talks about her feelings. She has repressed so much and until that goes away we cannot fix things. So there it is...but what now? The whole thing is really weighing heavily on me and I really need some sort of affection from her. Please help me understand what is going on right now, maybe some encouragement. I love her so much, always have, I just do not know how much more I can take.
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#1980383 - 04/12/10 05:02 PM Re: Loosing drive for marriage!! What now? [Re: SMM23] Nowawake Member
Registered: 01/04/10 Posts: 74 SMM23,
Your comments are identical to mine. I have been enduring this for 6 months and I don't know if I can take it much more. My WAW is further angered by my not being the one walking. She is literally going out of her mind. This I feel is pushing us even farther away. Has W accused you of faking it or not believing what she is seeing? Are you speaking at all? You have to hold in there but I know it's hard...Do you have children? For me carting our girls to and fro is a great way for me to keep my mind off of the R...but it is extremely hard not to break up when I look at them. _________________________ Me 53 W 44 D15,D12,D12 Married 25 years Bomb 8/20/09 Still together
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LSG Member
Registered: 03/15/10 Posts: 257 Loc: Los Angeles, CA Both your sitches seem so similar to mine. It is the most difficult thing in the world to endure. I am hopeful, but I am also more relistic that it may or may not work out, but I have to focus on me and in my case the kids too.
I have chosen to stay and not leave for better or worse. I am figuring is the R is going to end then it will with me staying or leaving. I am an advocate for staying myself, but this is a decision everyone has to make on their own. I also do not want to be away from kids if I divorce. I want to have much of a R with them as possible.
Do not stop following what works here!
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Registered: 01/28/10 Posts: 128 I am a similar sitch too. W has deeper issues with me too. I refuse to leave our home and told her it's not me who wants this. I will say that I have been told by Sandi the same comments. The waw didn't just wake up with these thoughts. It took years probably. I for one am not calling it quits. Patience my friend. I understand it's a tough one and only you can decide how patient. _________________________ M 43 W 43 S15 S 12 D 10 ILYBNILWY ( Dec 2009) Sleeping separate rooms April 8 2010. Still living together amicably No OM confirmed ( yet)
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Has W accused you of faking it or not believing what she is seeing? Are you speaking at all? You have to hold in there but I know it's hard...Do you have children? For me carting our girls to and fro is a great way for me to keep my mind off of the R...but it is extremely hard not to break up when I look at them. At first she told me that she thought that all the changes I made were fake. Then thanks to Sandi, I realized I was comming on too strong. I just toned it down and have been just more confident and working on my problems. We are still talking and in many ways we communicate better than ever. But, she treats me like the friend that she has to be friends with to keep the peace. We have a S4 and as long as he is awake, we act like everything is fine. Not that we start fighting when he goes to bed, but we just kind of coexist and sometimes talk until she goes in her room and I go in mine. It helps knowing that other people are going through the same thing. I know that my problems caused a lot of this, but it is a two way street and she had a hand in the problems as well. I have a hard time with the WAW issue because she felt she was doing everythnig she could but she was not. We both were trying to fix things and we just never did at the same time or were on the same wavelenghth. So it is not like she was alone in all of this. So now I have to work on all of this by myself and she can sit there and determine if it is going to work or not even though she is not trying and her family is telling her that she needs to get away becasue they do not like my family and me by association. It is just not right. Maybe I just need to vent
