Looking for help with WAW

[mza8]

Glimmerman, thanks again. You and your sitch are so similar to me and my sitch it's scary. You and I think a lot alike. Your comments are very accurate about me.

You're correct that my W has not yet filed. She has to wait one year before she can file. She hasn't mentioned any talk of that in months. Come to think of it it was probably early February since she mentioned any D or separation talk. I think what she meant about being in a better place is the fact that we have been getting along much better. I think she has become more comfortable towards me since I have given her space. I must have had at least 6 women who have talked to my W tell me to be patient and they thought my W would come around in time. No doubt that men and women are very different in how they see the relationship.

You're right that my W sees us not getting along as accurate from her POV. I absolutely do not agree with her on this but I do see how this is accurate to her. I can see how she would be happier right now because she feels like she's not dealing with the stress. I guess I'm less worried about her feeling this way about the past and would be more focused on doing what is needed to make a better marriage for us.

I know many here would look at the flowers and say it is pursuing. I agree with you that at the beginning it would not be the thing to do. After time I think it's ok to try to reconnect and do some of the little niceties that I used to do. It is tought to figure out exactly what W is thinking right now as we have limited contact.

My friend who got divorced decided he didn't want to save the marriage because his W had an affair. It was something he couldn't get past. His W had other issues too. She was very insecure and very co-dependent. They have a child together and he gets along well with his ex-w. He did say that she still has her insecurity issue and co-dependency issues. I guess she never tried to go to C to make some changes. I think if she would have worked on some of her other issues that my friend might have gotten past the affair and taken her back. He told me that his sitch was so much different and more complicated than mine.

Sandi has given me some great advice and she has been extremely helpful. I know this will take time. Just wonder where I am sometimes in this process.

GM, refresh my memory if you don't mind, how long have you and your W been separated? I think you are a couple of months ahead of me.