newmama, its the sadness and lonliness that i know i feel after wards and then wish he would just come back. But I honestly feel like I would be doing this to help H create a bond with son. I am weird about stuff like that, i wish H was around to talk to the baby so baby recognizes he voice, and so on. I know they can bond afterwards but who am i to take this right away from him? then i would be just as rotten right? i dont know...
I am telling myself to have no expectations but to have his support as the father of the baby. Am no longer thinking it will change his feelings for me. Yes, i do want H to be close to his son and feel that this is me sucking up my ego and tears and doing what is best for my child... giving him a father who wants so badly to be in his life.
Today I read a lot on detaching, and i am trying LRT but not to win H back. i want to be the best me I possibly can. I know the next few months are going to be hard, and tiring and different no matter what, so I am trying to get strong.
I still do love H and want him back, just need to push that in the back of my mind right now and work on me. If H comes back, we would have to start all over and fall in love all over again... which I know I could do and would love to. But in the event that he doesnt, I need to get strong bc in 2 months another life is going to depend on me. And frankly, I didnt sign up to raise a baby alone... and any help I can get from H would be great... and great for the baby. I need to know I gave it all i got!
