There's "force," there's "threat of force," and then there's "credible threat of force." All subtly different.
If you can CREDIBLY project "I am willing to date other people, and I will do VERY WELL, THANK YOU doing so," then I don't think you need to actually date.
However, when you consider that the average LBS has been suitably beaten to a pulp, confidence-wise, especially when there's been infidelity involved, and I don't think you CAN credibly project that unless you DO actually get yourself out there, and boost your confidence up.
I think it's kind of self-defeating / soul sucking to offer fidelity, whether it is emotional, physical, spiritual to someone who isn't willing to do the same for you.
M & H: 40 M: 5.5 T: 7.5 OW: 7/09 Bomb: 9/09 Sep: 3/10 H files 7/10
I think it's kind of self-defeating / soul sucking to offer fidelity, whether it is emotional, physical, spiritual to someone who isn't willing to do the same for you.
Man, personally, I wouldn't think of it as offering a danged thing. It's a boundary I set for myself and nobody else, and I set it based on a lifetime of making poor choices in relationships. I used to think I needed to be getting other female attention whenever a relationship was in trouble. It never made me feel better about myself in the end ( but it did drive some exes into crazy land).
I just don't want the regret. It's something I do for myself. I was dating 2-3 women at a time when I met my W. I know I can do that again. Sometimes that was fun, sometimes it was terrible, but I am not afraid of it, and if I were single I know what I would be doing and how to go about it.
Last edited by TimeHeals; 05/03/1010:44 PM.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
I am on the fence about dating while married. And, to be honest, unless its very casual I think its unfair to bring someone into your life when you are actively, or inactively, trying to save your marriage.
CK you may find that you don't want to save your marriage, you may find that there was no problem with you and that your WAS was making a list of complaints about you just to make themselves feel better and less guilty with moving on with someone new.
You inspired me to keep detaching and to stop being a doormat. I was about ready revert back to my old self. I know I will never go back to that person after reading your thread.
Thanks and keep up doing what you are doing!
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An ultimatum (Latin: the last one) is a demand whose fulfillment is requested in a specified period of time and which is backed up by a threat to be followed through in case of noncompliance. An ultimatum is generally the final demand in a series of requests. As such, the time allotted is usually short, and the request is understood not to be open to further negotiation.
####################### Nothing says get with the program better than I found somebody else.
Ain't talking bout love Don't wanna talk about love Don't even talk about love
So RobX, asking this honestly, how do/did you navigate dating other people without developing romantic feelings for them and falling in love? Or how did you let them know you weren't looking for anything long term? And did you find you needed to settle a little, meaning choose to date people that weren't of the calibre (sp) that you wanted for a long term relationship?
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
I agree that everyone has to make the decision that's best for them when it comes to dating while separated/still married. I think the best piece of advice I was given was from a friend of mine who is divorced (and did date while separated) and was in the form of a question.
He regretted dating while separated and asked me to consider this question....
"Do you think it would make a possible reconciliation more complicated, or less complicated?"
