I know a little bit about how your mind wanders. Mine has done the same. You hang onto every nugget in every conversation and try to analyze it. Me too.
Allow me to give you some feedback and comparisons to my sitch, and you can see what you think. First, please remember we are separated also, but my W actually filed for divorce.
So, recently when your W told your friend "we are in a better place now", I'm not sure what that means since she said "we" and you are not living together. Hard to tell. The good news is you said it was a "she" that told you this, and "she" told you to hang around. I would follow the advice best you can from another female, especially if she knows your W.
As far as with the close friend of yours, I wouldn't worry too much about that conversation. My guess is your W was "probing", possibly to see what your immediate reaction was to the separation. And, as you can see, the guy was very uncomfortable discussing it, and the two women you talked to gave you their thoughts. Men and women are very different when it comes to relationships, aren't they?
Now, as far as the comment from your W to your friend about you and her not getting along very well, remember this. That comment is 100% accurate from her point of view. She was absolutely happier after you separated. Truth is, just like in my W's case with me, she had no desire to be in your presence. From her point of view, this is all VERY accurate. This is something for you to deal with on your own.
I agree with your other friend about sending the flowers. I think it was good. I believe on the front end of a separation that pursuing is a bad idea. After a while though, I think it becomes more appropriate.
What I really can not help you with is trying to gauge where your W is since you are really not in contact. That is where your sitch and mine are different. My W are in contact a couple of times per week and have been since our separation began. If I remember correctly, divorce has not been filed in your sitch. If I'm wrong, I apologize.
By the way, did your friend tell you why when his W asked to work things out, they still got divorced? If he's willing to share, I'd ask him. That's valuable info on sticky points even when reconciliation may be considered.
I read a post from Sandi quite some time ago. She indicated that in her opinion, this process can definitely take time (seems like she indicated maybe a year or two before things settle back down).
And, finally, if it helps, even though my W and I are in MC, she still doesn't have a big desire to be around me yet. That's where Sandi's post helped me. Sandi indicated the desire to be around her H did come back, but it took time.
