Hi CW, just catching up...you really shouldn't feel regret about your "timeline" as you put it. You truly gave everything you had into trying to get your M. Your kids know it too, and when they have problems in their Ms in the future,they will remember their mom didn't give up and fought til the last minute. What if you had filed for D? What if you did it quickly? Wouldn't you have always wondered what "could" have happened? Now you don't have that regret because you know in your heart that you gave it your all. Your H will be the one left with doubt and regret.
About the kids saying OW was nice. Like everyone else said, OF COURSE she will be nice at first! But KIDS ARE VERY SMART. They will see through her. The nice act can only be upheld so far. I'll never forget when a previous middle school student of mine told me (of her own will) that her teacher suddenly acted nice to them whenever the principal was around and she figured her teacher probably didn't want to get fired. LOL!
Also the kids do not want this life. They will resent your H and the OW.
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
Hugs CW. The only good thing about that is that it's outside of your control therefore not your responsibility. Small consolation to a mother, I know. We want to protect our children but our ability to do that has limitations. I know that you're being the best mother that you can be by continuing to be strong, detach, and take care of yourself.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
HI NM- I love the way you have a different outlook on things! That is exactly what I want is for the kids to know that I gave it my all!
FM-hope you are doing well! You always so calm and reassuring!
Last night I was out in the garage gathering things for camping and noticed that it seems H is piece by piece, taking things out of the garage...most of it is his stuff but there are a few camping things that were "ours"...set me back a little ...not so much that he has taken them but that he is "sneaking" the stuff out without at least telling me. Glad I changed the locks on the house.
He has admitted OW, filed for a D...why is still sneaking and lying? Will let OW deal with that!
Headed to my first Jazzercise class this morning...hope I can get out of bed tomorrow morning!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
Our H don't ever seem to be able to be up front with us even when we know everything. They carry on the game of secrecy and deceitfulness because the teenager is stil at play!
My H came here and while I was out sneakly took all his clothes and passport. I knoew he was going to live with OW so not sure what his problem was.
H called this morning...was tempted to not answer but my cell has a low battery and knew he'd call that. His first question was:
Did my motorcycle ins papers come yet? I said no, I can leave you a message if they come today.
2nd question-Did the cat like his new toy? Told him I had not seen D11 and the cat playing with it yet.
3rd question-Did the kids say anything about the other night (when they met OW)? I said "they didn't say much"...(I figured if he wants to know what they are thinking he can ask them himself...wrong???)
He said "oh, (pause) well, I just wanted to know if the insurance papers had come"
I was nice, but disinterested...I don't say good-bye anymore, just hang up. Not sure if I missed an opportunity to talk to him about the kids meeting OW but I had to ask questions of D11 and S14 really didn't say much at all. I told him last night that I realize he might have a hard time talking to me so that if he needed to talk to someone about that he could talk to his older brother.
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
CW I am pretty sure the main reason your H called was to ask about what the kids said about OW and to see your reaction! Good job answering the way you did without lying or revealing too much.
Sorry but I am not educated on MLCs. My question is why would there be an opportunity for you to talk to him about OW? I mean what would you or do you want to say to him exactly? Or know? Just wondering!
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
I am not sure I understand your question? Oh...maybe I see what you mean as I am re-reading...I could have told him that D11, although she said OW was nice, was not happy to see her and her father holding hands and kissing and that is the only thing S14 said to me too was that they held hands. I could have asked him to take it just a little bit slower in front of the kids but decided it is not my call. And...he did not elaborate by asking what they DID say so I didn't elaborate either. Is that what you meant?
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
yes-I was unsure about what you meant about the "missed opportunity!" Yikes-I don't know that I could handle hearing those reports from the kids yet wouldn't want to make them uncomfortable by telling them not to tell me...CW you are in a tough spot! I mean duh, of course you are, but with your kids being older they can tell you what happens with your H and OW! BARF!!!
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
I think you handled that very well! You H is very bold! My H tried to hide everything. I had to do some major work to find out about ow & when I found out he still wouldn't talk about it. He also would sneak in & take things, they were his to take but he didn't want me to know about it. My L wouldn't let me change the locks until after mediation & we settled things.
I'm fine here, thanks for asking. My house is on a hill but the devastation here is horrible! The Grand Ole Opry house has taken on water, my friend that works their said it is very bad! So many homes are under water. Never seen anything like it. I feel so blessed but so sad for these other people.
You hang in there, I'm sure it is very hard for you, I didn't have to see ow (she was in another state) & we didn't have kids but I think that would be very hard!!
