Thanks for laying it out FIB. What a shame that your situation had to spiral down into the status it is today. I know others have mentioned it, but I am amazed at how archaic NY divorce laws are and very thankful they don't apply to me.
Not only is your STBXW acting childish, but how can she consciously create such a toxic environment for your children to grow up in. She seems extremely self-centered and selfish to me.
[quote=faithisbelieving]Bunny, Gardener, Geronimo....I kid you not. That's the deal. How would you like to try and go with your daughter on a 1 1/2 hour lunchtime field trip to the local library...and be painted as trying to limit your income? FIB [/quote
Frank, I was going to write after going thru the whole thread but won't recall enough of these wacky irritating details. First, right on with the field trips. It's all about the kids. The property has been handled and the div is coming and you are surviving. She's terrified and that's not your problem. Oh, as for the time at school for the kids, well, Your wife will wear out first b/c it'll stress her more to be around you b/c the contrast is more apparent and her pathology is revealing itself more as time passes. And By the way, it's HER income that doesn't pay her for days off...too bad. She'll be the one "limiting her income" by going, whereas you'll be using a paid vacation day...oh well. As for the carton of milk witholding, I admit I laughed out loud reading that b/c it's so pathetically goofy that she's spending so much energy on this tripe...OMG, honestly fib, it'll be funny in 10 years if you even remember it at all. Then the other stuff she says/does... like the below the belt insult about you "limiting your income" by attending a field trip (as if she'd praise you for earning more but blowing off the kids' acitivities OR wouldn't be the first to complain about a missed visitation for your work) was completely vindictive of her. Hey - If she says that again, admit that she "knows a lot more about limiting income than [you] do about that." Then smirk and walk away! (Unless the kids are around... If they are there, then leave the smirk out, and tell her what an "expert" she is on limited income & limited education & potential & growth and um, limited on taking personal accountability and say it all with a respectful smile. There....that's better. Geez that chick needs some reality therapy...good God. SO she must be upset and all b/c her whole "retire at age 35" Plan did not work. Now what?!!? Stay strong. Your life is about to get a whole lot better.
And with time, the kids will be alright Frank. NO, of course they're not going to be as good as they would be if the M had worked out. WE all get that. But you know,[i] in your sitch I can safely say -- your kids are going to be better off with you two divorced.[/i] And I can only pray for the day you find a real woman of substance & brains- who loves you, who "gets" you, sticks by you, and then Frank, then imagine how it'll be for them, when you let your kids see THAT....yeah, things are going to be a whole lot better for you soon. And as for your stbxw...who cares? As long as she doesn't hurt the kids, then the only question is "what xw?" All about you and your babes and being a family that someday will include new people who will also love your kids. Think about that too. A healthy woman in their life. Geez, What's that?
j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
what Bworl said. I don't trust her. She needs lots and lots of "feedback" from as many authoritative sources as possible. Especially authorities with the power to take from her. Don't they prohibit "parental alienation" there? It is a big deal here in Calif and you can LOSE custodial rights by bad mouthing the other parent even if what you say is true.... Kids do not need to hear it all just b/c we say "it 's the truth". It hurts them. Each parent is part of them and the same gender child very closely identifies with that parent until they're much older.
Bad mouthing the other parent gets under a kid's skin and does damage. The courts know this and try hard to get thru to the parents. Surely IN TIME, even your w will allow some of it to sink in. She'll see the pain in them when she's alone with them, and she won't always be able to blame you b/c it's too obvious, and even she will know that it will hurt them too. She may even say "we made some mistakes" and not say "Bad daddy is a bully"...etc.
ONE thing to recall about dating--is that the sooner she learns of you dating a significant other, the sooner she'll blame "the OW"...no kidding for the div, when talking to the kids. So keep them safe from that.
I am Looking forward to your new life Frank, and on your behalf I say, "bring it on". j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
I was thinking of you and thought I'd stop by and say hi.
First of all, congrats on being asked about possibly being a canditate on the medical board.
Frank, you know who you are, what you are and so do the people closest to you. That's really all that matters. And most of all, your children know the kind of father you have been.
Who knows what demons drive your STBXW? Clearly, she has many.
Keep your eyes forward. Do not stray the course. I know, without any doubt, that better days are ahead for you.
You have grown, you have been tested, you have endured. And you will be ok, my friend. You will be ok.
STBXW is ratcheting up the torture. She yelled at me in the back yard so that the kids could overhear re: sale of the house: -that I am keeping her in the dark -what an a$$ I look like to everyone -she's going to demand another $30K reduction in the list price
She is going to ram this sale down my throat. She goes behind my back and changes contractors schedules. She is calling the realtors DAILY to the point that they told me that they are not answering her calls. A friend of mine whose wife is a realtor, told me that he was thinking of buying my house as an investment since the price is so below what it is worth now.
Friday night, my night with the kids, I came home early. S9 had a scout meeting at 6:15P. I had previously asked to have dinner with the kids. She drove off with them. S9 is afraid of her. When I approach him to talk with him, he becomes afraid and wants to terminate the conversation, "Dad..no....mom might come upstairs."
Today, while cleaning up, she dumped dishes on my files and papers again, left a dirty cup on my half of the bathroom sink (I think S9 left it there), put my father's cadette portrait from WWII face down on the floor (he passed in '95) and then, humiliating, rode on the brand new bicycle I purchased for S9 and 'made him' ride the smaller kids bike that I bought to replace it. When I said that I would fill her tires with air and to let him ride, she outwardly refused saying , "S9 said I could ride it and I'm going to."
(sigh)
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
She is getting away with the crap, because YOU love your kids. She is using your love for them to abuse you. Sick woman Frank! Horrible mother. Horrible.
STBXW is ratcheting up the torture. She yelled at me in the back yard so that the kids could overhear re: sale of the house: -that I am keeping her in the dark -what an a$$ I look like to everyone -she's going to demand another $30K reduction in the list price
She is going to ram this sale down my throat. She goes behind my back and changes contractors schedules. She is calling the realtors DAILY to the point that they told me that they are not answering her calls. A friend of mine whose wife is a realtor, told me that he was thinking of buying my house as an investment since the price is so below what it is worth now.
I know this is NOT easy. We all know this. I can't advise you exactly, but I do know that money is only so important and for whatever reason, she wants the house sold at any cost asap. Makes little sense. But you will earn more money & you'll pay your bills, and save some...and she won't. Oh well.
As for the rest of this, the only thing that matters at all (below) is how your son feels and copes with your w's behavior. I assume he looks forward to your time alone. Soon enough, you'll get it. In a better world, you could say something that would wake her up but you'd already have said it if it would work. Perhaps the child c can help...???? Any chance?? But her riding the bike, leaving a cup, turning over a pic, may not be directed at you nearly as much as you say. I think she's like the 2 y/o I saw today at another 2 y/o's party. They are "best friends" to the extent 2 toddlers can be. They don't fight. But at the birthday party when only one of them had presents to open, the other lost it and attacked the birthday girl, then ran off with some presents. Later on she came in "to apologize" but grabbed some cake, not mad at her friend so much as letting her "id" run wild and without filters, grabbing for fear that she'd get nothing..everyone else was bigger ...she also needed a nap... All I'm saying is that while it may be "hatred," for you, it also may unrelated to you directly and instead sounds like an animal in pain, who feels cornered. Never mind how she got there. She has nowhere to run...Please detach. You are making this even worse for yourself than it already is.
[color:#FF0000]I'm so sorry it's here but soon, you'll be past this. Can't wait. ((( ))) j [/color] Friday night, my night with the kids, I came home early. S9 had a scout meeting at 6:15P. I had previously asked to have dinner with the kids. She drove off with them. S9 is afraid of her. When I approach him to talk with him, he becomes afraid and wants to terminate the conversation, "Dad..no....mom might come upstairs."
Today, while cleaning up, she dumped dishes on my files and papers again, left a dirty cup on my half of the bathroom sink (I think S9 left it there), put my father's cadette portrait from WWII face down on the floor (he passed in '95) and then, humiliating, rode on the brand new bicycle I purchased for S9 and 'made him' ride the smaller kids bike that I bought to replace it. When I said that I would fill her tires with air and to let him ride, she outwardly refused saying , "S9 said I could ride it and I'm going to."
(sigh)
FIB
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Cursing: STBXW's atty's FIL passed away. Tomorrow is adjourned. Crap.
STBXW is now hounding my realtors. She calls them everyday to the point where they have stopped answering her calls. Today, she showed up unannounced at my realtor's office demanding to talk to her. She was out. She demanded that the asst. call her. She was hostile to her on the found and threatened her with her atty calling her. Recall that MY name is on the deed and the contract to sell is with me. I keep STBXW apprised of all showings, open houses, bids, etc. It is not enough. She must control this. I lost a contractor estimate yesterday to her rescheduling things behind my back. I think he spooked and never showed up.
I wrote a letter to my atty to discuss this and told my realtor to refer STBXW to my attorney or real estate atty.
To 25...thanks for the great input. I"m sure you will agree with me that STBXW will keep us BOTH in family court for the next 11 years.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
If she is so worried about you doing things to limit your income why doesn't she STOP and THINK (novel concept, I know) how her actions cause such massive amounts of stress on a household. I mean what? Will she only be satisfied when you and your children have absolute nervous breakdowns or your immune systems become compromised from stress?
I have been trapped in the family court system in this "fine" state for 24 months. I don't have children so I can't begin to imagine your situation. Stay strong!
what citygirl said. FIB, I don't know what to say except I want to put armor on you so her arrows don't pierce through. She's not worth it but you know this.
honestly how can we advise you when we're not crazy? I mean, I don't even know her goal at this point. It's not in HER interest, so it's inexplicable--like a 2 y/o who needs a nap badly and had too much sugar. Can't reason with them. Can't spank them. You have to hope they crash and nap soon or that you can go into a quiet room and wait for them to collapse from their own weird burning out... sorry buddy. j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
but grabbed some cake, not mad at her friend so much as letting her "id" run wild and without filters, grabbing for fear that she'd get nothing..everyone else was bigger 
...she also needed a nap...