W still wants separation, need to DB more

[OfficerInNeed]

I believe much of what I post is being taken out of context. I never treated my W as if she was my "servant." I took her acts of service for granted. I admit there were times where I asked her to do things that I was very well capable of doing myself.

Over the past 3 months since our sitch began what my W has said to me to be the major contributor to her decision to leave me is my controlling behavior and my self-esteem killing remarks.

In my W's mind it was "10 years" but in reality it was intermittent for the past few years. Not that it makes any bit of difference. I just get the sense that most of you are giving advice with the assumption that everyday for the past 10 years we lived in hell and that is far from reality.

My example of my W "fetching" things for me was an exaggeration.

My W is currently ill. She ask if I can get her a drink or something to eat, should I say "You are very well capable of doing it yourself" or simply "NO." Why would my W or any woman for that matter want to be with a H who cannot care for them in their time of need?

Don't get me wrong I greatly appreciate the advice I have received on this forum. I take bits and pieces and apply to my sitch.

3 weeks ago my W was NOT sleeping in the same bed as me. Now she is

1 Month ago my W would not carry on a conversation with me, now she does

2 months ago my W would tell me "I'll do whatever I want, whenever I want" now she tells or includes me in everything she does.

I am 3 months and 1 week into my sitch. I am 2 months into DBing. I am 5 weeks into DB after breaking up an EA.

I never thought my W would laugh with me again. I never thought my W would lay in same bed with me again but she is.

I don't know if what I have been doing is working BUT I am putting my best effort forward. Each time I attempted to apply some of the counter-intuitive advice I have received my sitch got worse.

Perhaps there is a lack of respect and I won't argue with that. I was once told (often actually) "Be the H your W always wanted you to be or someone not just your W would want to be with but ANY woman." I once heard my W tell her father than his GF should be lucky to have a guy like him by her side, I strive to become "that guy."