I guess my point was working through guilt issues is an individual process and one that cannot be addressed simply by doing things for somebody else.
In Jan. of 2009 my H saw an IC three times. I did speak with the C at my H's request. Her "theory" was if you just say you are sorry the guilt will go away. If the person you wronged doesn't accept your apology then it falls back on them and the guilty party is in the clear. I was stunned at this advice and would not have believed it unless I heard it with my own two ears. IMO working through guilt requires more than doing nice things or saying you are sorry. Of course those are two steps but I think the process is more involved.
All I was saying is making smart remarks and moving from one unhealthy dynamic to another really isn't progress IMO. It's a shift but I am not sure one that will really yield any results.
