I've been rereading my thread & I think I need to realize something...
Lately I've been posting like I really think that everything is going to change and he'll be transformed into this wonderful man who appreciates all the good in his life. That's what I want to happen, but I don't think that is what is going to happen. We had problems before this all started--it's like I keep envisioning him as this man that he never really was.
I think this is just harder than I thought to admit that I failed at my M & I'm going back to rewrite history to make the beginning a fairy tale & H a Prince Charming. It wasn't. Hes not.
The reality is that we had problems like everyone else. Although it wasn't perfect, I loved him and it wasn't enough for him to want to fix it.
The reality is, it still isn't.
I tried for three years to make it better. It's not going to magically change in three weeks.
As Robx would say...I need to stop dreaming and follow reality.
I just wanted to put that out there--so when I start getting all hopeful and dreamy I can snap myself back reality. My only hope is in the future, not in sugar coating the past.
“The distinction between past, present, and future is only a stubbornly persistent illusion." ~ Albert Einstein
Never backwards, only forward. Breathe.
formerly known as "shelbel" Me 40, stbxh 40 DSs 9, 7 & 3 M9, T10 Stbxh is a diagnosed bipolar & an addict. The end.
