Husband being hateful and cruel. Is this a stage?

[AJM]

And at that time, he actually said he might not be able to afford it and would be moving back home. Now, he's in la la land!

I have been keeping a journal, although I haven't been as faithful to it lately. I re-read some of the things I had written when this first started. I could not believe how messed up I was! Even my handwriting was bad. I have a lot to learn and a looooooooooong way to go in this journey. But, I now realize I have come a long way since the beginning. Yes, I still think about him all the time, but I am also going about my day with normal routines.

A friend called me on Friday and told me she had applied to be a professor at the college I went to. Her husband went there too, as well as my husband. They have a satellite branch here in town and she is hoping she can teach there. She told me all of this because they are starting a new program and they need an administrator. She already gave them my name and told them if they hire her, she wants me. Which sounds great to me!!! smile And the icing on the cake is that if I worked there, I could finish my degree and not have to pay much. So, think good thoughts for me...say a prayer, light a candle, whatever! LOL!

I'm glad that something helped you gain a different perspective. These things stuck out to me and I think a comment may help a little more.

Mine did the same about money. Funny since she didn't have any. But what I learned from that is that money is not the reason to allow them back. I did anyway, and if I were to do something differently that would be it. Try not to let them come back for financial reasons. They should only come back if they are ready to work on the relationship. No other reason will be good enough. Looking back, that was the wrong thing because she thought she was done. Told me she loved me. Etc. I allowed it because of advice I got from my pastor and friends. But the truth is she really only came back for her things. Had I looked at the bigger picture I'd have seen that she was coming back for the wrong reasons and wasn't really coming back. Cie la vie.
I am not sure they are "clueless" per se. They are more like fooling or lying to themselves as to what it would be like. As if they are reading romance novels and believe it. Or too much television. They are torn between worlds and will tear you apart like a panicked drowning victim. Keep some distance there until they are completely worn out. Really. The first time you think they are tired and ready to come home, is just the rest in many cases. Watch for it. Be skeptical if you can. It is sick. It's twisted. But it is what it is. So many similarities....
I am very happy that things are changing for you. I think really what is changing is your perspective Good things happen around you all day every day. You have been so shocked and mown over that your perspective may have changed. You need to work hard to change that perspective yet again back to a place where you see the positives. The funny thing about that is that positive begets positive. Try it and see if I'm wrong

Bottom line is that you are doing incredibly well considering what you've been handed. It's not fair. It's not what you planned. It's not what you want or wanted. But it will turn out very well if you work at your part. If you work to be positive and to be the person you want to be. He will make his own decisions and will his own mistakes. You cannot help him and you cannot change him. The best thing you can do is to be careful not to let him into your head and don't let him influence your behavior. Because if you do, you'll spin like the crazy person he has become.

You cannot see the future. But you know that great things and happiness that you never dreamed possible is ahead. Trust that it is. Trust that even these "dark" times (is that right? Is it dark or is just that you didn't want this at this point and this is really possibly the best thing that could have happened to you in your life? hmm....)will lead to greater light and happiness and fulfillment than you could have dreamed or planned for yourself. Because it will happen...

Work on you. Work on getting yourself to the place you want to be. Be honest with yourself and realize that some of these detours will prepare you for the happiness in the future. Realize that there will still be times you think about, are sad about, and maybe even miss him. When those times come, don't run away from them but rather face them. Realize they are there for your benefit and go through them. You can. You will. You will flourish. I can tell

AJ