Really think about what you shared and try and view your own situation with a fresh set of eyes.
Obviously you know you treated your W like hired help. Asking anybody to fetch you things 10 times in an hour is unacceptable unless every bone in your body is broken. Essentially what you are saying is every SIX minutes you were requesting your W to get you something or do something for you. No wonder she began to silently resent you.
When one spouse begins to silently resent the other the love they feel for their spouse begins to die. When the love dies so does the respect. I can see why your W felt her love and respect for you died. On the flip side of that, it was your W's responsibility to clearly articulate to you how she was feeling and at least give you the opportunity to understand. Instead she chose to walk away. You both are at fault.
When one spouse feels all their love and respect has died it is not easy. Making her lunch, getting her ice cream and trying to get in the bed with her isn't going to help that love return. At this time she knows you want to rebuild the marriage. She does not want to rebuild the marriage (at this time) so it is very easy for her to make requests of you knowing full well you will do them. The person who cares least about the R controls it.
Pick up a book or two about body language. You will learn an awful lot about what she is feeling by understanding her body language. Responding to you with facial expressions and noises is not the way to communicate. She chose not to wear her ring. She shrinks when you enter the bed. The answer to your question "why do you do that?" is simple... she does not feel love or respect for you right now.
I understand the stress level in your home must be high. Making smart remarks to her is not the way to go. Acting like her servant is not the way to go. Setting firm boundaries is what needs to happen. By making smart remarks you are simply keeping the cycle of disrespect and loathing very much alive.
You have gotten so very good advice on your thread and you also have received some advice I am not so sure I would follow. What is interesting is you seem to gravitate towards the advice that is "not so good" and stall on doing things that would be very helpful to you.
