I just skimmed this thread, so forgive me if my judgement isn't correct here, but to me it sounds like you allowed your happiness to be dependent on your H, and that you let your life revolve around him.
We all make mistakes, and your M being in trouble isn't about the nagging about socks being left on the floor. Your nagging about these things seems more like "Look, I made my life all about you, can't you at least pick up your darned socks".
If I am correct, this is why you feel lost. You need to figure out how to make yourself happy and love yourself and set boundaries so that you don't make your happiness all about somebody else. Also, if I am correct, you are probably experiencing a spiritual crisis and identity crisis, and those can be tough for a while. It's tough because growing to be a happy healthy interdependent/independent person (which is what will ultimately make you happy) who loves themself and who feels they deserve better means overcoming a lot of negative programming and letting go of a lot of personal defenses that aren't working for you.
