(((gr8))) I'm so sorry for this most recent revelation. This can't be easy at all. How did you find out? Did she tell you? I've just started really getting into your old threads (you've just changed your name), I'll have to hurry to catch up.
I did okay Saturday--had a couple too many margaritas & watched chick flicks. Sunday I kept busy with steam cleaning carpets. not fun--but it desperately needed done & is hard to do with three kids underfoot. I was literally thrilled when I saw S8s name pop up on my cell phone. I can't believe how excited I was just to have him call me.
The pickup went okay--it was raining so there wasn't a lot of interaction in between getting everyone buckled in. I had to call him later to set up arrangements for this weekend and he was not terribly gracious. I know, what was I expecting, right? S6 has Tball practice this Saturday & H wants my parents to take him & then meet him at the halfway point to drop the kids off. he says he doesn't have money for gas to run up here two days in a row. I will agree with that part--the van is a gas guzzler & it's 40 minutes each way. We finally agreed that he will pick S6 up at my mom's house & take him to practice on Saturday & take the boys Saturday night. I'll just *owe* him a half trip (my words, not his). I'd give anything to be a fly on the dugout wall at practice. The other parents were not happy that they suddenly had no coach a few days before the first practice. I'll bet most of them don't really know why--and I didn't make a big deal out of it the first practice, so maybe they won't either.
It took everything I had to keep from offering him money until he finds a job. I want him to be okay--but he needs to stand on his own two feet, even as he's staying at his mom's house. I married a man who worked 60 hours a week. He's already been emasculated enough without having the woman who "threw him out" giving him spending money too. He's going to have to nut up, get a job somewhere & start taking care of himself. I only meant to financially take care of the family while he was in school. I didn't mean to take away his manhood & his self esteem, so if that is part of the problem here, then my offering him gas money isn't going to help. Right?
At one point he started getting nasty about what was happening with us & putting the blame on me. Fine. I accept that I was difficult to deal with and *helpful* to the point of smothering. I admit that I can be cruel and razor tongued when we argue and I didn't hold back often with him--especially towards the end. I will say with no hesitation that I started avoiding everything in our home life because I was trying to withdraw from him so deeply. But guy--quit acting like a victim!!! I finally said, "You have the power to change everything about this situation and you don't want to. I'm doing what I need to do." That was met with a "what the hell does THAT mean??", so I dialed it down & ended the convo. I know I shouldn't have...I think I just needed to smack him upside the head with one of Puppy's 2x4s.
I talked to my MIL last night--the kids called to talk to H but he wasn't there, so she asked to talk to me. It was nice. I thanked her for the very sweet Mother's Day gift & card she "helped" the kids get me. It was very thoughtful & she made me cry. I asked her how H was doing since he won't talk to me. She said he is grumpy. He was always grumpy here--that is not new. She said his mood is really bad & he's not doing well. Again, same thing while he was here. She said he can't figure out what he did wrong, he was always home, didn't run around, didn't go to bars--I just got tired of him. He's right in that respect. But there's a difference between always being in the house & being in the M. MIL said that he's trying to figure out how to make some cash and maybe get a smaller car to drive when he doesn't have the boys. He needs a job, even a min wage job just to get something going. I'm not even worried about child support just yet--just do *something*.
I don't know what is going to happen. I'm praying that someone in his family or one of his friends convinces to pull his head out of whatever orifice he's lodged it in & get his act together. He needs to get some help for this depression he's so certain he's not in. I hope that he wakes up and realizes what he's lost & why it's gone.
It's a risky move--either he figures himself out, fixes it & comes back, or he doesn't. Either way this is going to work for me. It has to.
This tough love crap is for the birds.
btw--I think we need a new addition to the abbreviation list. We need something for " I love you, but I don't like you right now."
formerly known as "shelbel" Me 40, stbxh 40 DSs 9, 7 & 3 M9, T10 Stbxh is a diagnosed bipolar & an addict. The end.
