Just tried to change the line of credit to be auto-deducted from my account instead of the joint.
The bank had to verify everything, of course, that I was me. But we came to a stop when the "collateral" (house) address didn't match the "mailing" address.
The guy couldn't TELL me the mailing address (otherwise how would he verify I should have this info?) so I had to choke out: is it YY address in YY town? (I should have asked why he hadn't seen it in the paper!!!)
Turns out, yesterday X changed his mailing address for his checking account and in so doing, ALL the accounts that had his name on it changed their mailing address, too.
My parallel twin, sending you hugs. I had a similar experience (what a surprise!) a few mos. back when I tried to do a "deposit from home" to our joint checking acct. I had a major meltdown on the phone w the poor customer svc. girl, who told me, well if you don't have such & such a code no., you cannot do this transaction. I explained that it's a joint acct., gave her the SSNs, & she said, H has put you as his ex-spouse on the account. I lost it then. I was angry but I was much more hurt.
I know, this business-y stuff is the pits. I think it's why my S agrmt. has taken 6 mos. - & H is like, are you done yet? Grrrr...
It does feel better once it's done, & you check it off the list though. Reward yourself afterward for taking care of it!
I don't feel secure closing out the joint until the line of credit payment goes through, which should be early this week.
The mortgage gets withdrawn towards the end of the month, so if I close the account after this week, the closing should be done and the mortgage re-set to me.
What's left?
the closing. Turns out we don't have to be in the same room at the same time, so that's good.
going thru the workshop and re-setting it; see what he left behind for me.
each of us sign the "we divided stuff up OK" doc.
and--as you said, Whatnow, figuring out what I want to do with my life. I liked my life as it was, too! Weekends are still the hardest. I am trying to back off my friends. Trying to think of projects like painting the bathroom,fixing the shelves in my closet (the whole thing collapsed!), of course lots of house cleaning.
But, yeah, jeezum, those Sunday mornings that used to be either lazy or shared chores (laundry for me, lawn mowing for him) or out on a ride with our friends...if I could outlaw Sundays for the next 6 months or so, that would be good.
yes, we need to stop double-guessing, what-iffing, kicking ourselves.
It's funny, I was doing The Work in my head--I think Flowmom triggered it--and realized that instead of "I need X to forgive me" (is that really true? do I really NEED that?) The truth is "I need to forgive myself."
And that is true. If I don't forgive myself, well, gosh, I'll be a pile of physical and mental/emotional rubble soon. Wait, I am that already! Well, it won't get better, that's for sure.
I'm sorry you had to find all the love notes as you were purging. What did you do with them? burn them? I find that very satisfying.
I put all our photo albums in a bin, to be stored in the garage, with a label: Someone else can look at this when I am dead. No, not really, but something like that.
A tough weekend--May 1, 10 month anniversary Bomb; X and OW are marking a lovely 1 year anniversary; and hiding out of the house all weekend as X moved the last of his stuff out.
Ummm...I will confess that the weekend was made more than tolerable by umm...."keeping company" with my Town Meeting Escort. He seems happy to help me heal in all sorts of ways, if you get my drift. So I had lots of distraction, at least!
And speaking of the paper publishing all those ridiculous details about X's whereabouts (really, it's too weird!)...
Do I feel that Eliz Edwards "should" feel humilated? (Like I do, like many of us do) NO!!! I think she ROCKS OUT and her LOSER husband is, well, you fill in the expletives.
Do I feel that Elin Woods "should" feel humilated? NO!!! I feel sorry that she has to go thru this horrible stuff, but in no way shape or form do I shake my head or cluck my tongue at her---I, and everyone else on the planet, think Tiger is a scum!
And same for Mrs. Spitzer, and Mrs.Governor, and we all know Hillary just stuck with Bill for her presidential chances (use and use alike!)
There must be an Eliz Edwards Fan Club. Maybe I'll start it.
and--as you said, Whatnow, figuring out what I want to do with my life. I liked my life as it was, too! Weekends are still the hardest. I am trying to back off my friends. Trying to think of projects like painting the bathroom,fixing the shelves in my closet (the whole thing collapsed!), of course lots of house cleaning.
But, yeah, jeezum, those Sunday mornings that used to be either lazy or shared chores (laundry for me, lawn mowing for him) or out on a ride with our friends...if I could outlaw Sundays for the next 6 months or so, that would be good.
sigh.
Yep. Sigh. (((aver)))
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
X has worked on the Opera that is produced here in my work town for the past 3-4 years, so I imagine he is going to do it again.
Now, we know that everyone at work knows the sitch now because it was ANNOUNCED in the local paper, but...
My supervisor's wife works on the Opera. They are both big fans of opera, have to support the company that produces it, etc.
So they will go to rehearsals and performances, and X will introduce Sweet Thing to them.
Gack. Anxiety.
And last year, X was very cranky that supervisor's wife seemed to be ignoring him at tech rehearsals. So at a performance, I made a big deal of saying hi, making a "you have met before!" big friendly deal to break any ice that might have been between them for some reason.
Hmmmmm....maybe supervisor's wife saw them together some how? and had a clue?
Making myself sick about an imagined future that might not even happen--STOP and get back to work!
And speaking of the paper publishing all those ridiculous details about X's whereabouts (really, it's too weird!)...
Do I feel that Eliz Edwards "should" feel humilated? (Like I do, like many of us do) NO!!! I think she ROCKS OUT and her LOSER husband is, well, you fill in the expletives.
Do I feel that Elin Woods "should" feel humilated? NO!!! I feel sorry that she has to go thru this horrible stuff, but in no way shape or form do I shake my head or cluck my tongue at her---I, and everyone else on the planet, think Tiger is a scum!
And same for Mrs. Spitzer, and Mrs.Governor, and we all know Hillary just stuck with Bill for her presidential chances (use and use alike!)
There must be an Eliz Edwards Fan Club. Maybe I'll start it.
avermont,
Bill got caught getting oral on his piece. How do we know that overall he isn't a good husband for Hillary and that they have handled this portion?
But, yeah, jeezum, those Sunday mornings that used to be either lazy or shared chores (laundry for me, lawn mowing for him) or out on a ride with our friends...if I could outlaw Sundays for the next 6 months or so, that would be good.
sigh.
((((Aver)))) I'm with you there. Sundays are no doubt the hardest day of all. I've gotten used to dealing with them for the past year (!!) but I still don't like.
Kara, I think it was told me to change routine, make the day about me. Which I like in theory, but what with packing/purging/moving will have to wait. I feel you twin! ((((hugs)))
Making myself sick about an imagined future that might not even happen--STOP and get back to work!
What's good is you're realizing this & telling yourself to stop! My C told me to concentrate on just today, that was key to mental health. Sounds easy right? As we know none of this is easy. But if it helps, I'll remind you: Keep your mind on today!
Just keep on your path, you are doing great - Really! Soon this ucky legal/house stuff will be done, that will be a relief I think. It does suck you have to leave the house so X can get his stuff, in many trips it seems - is he about done? Once you have it back to yourself & start working on those home improvement projects I bet you'll feel much better. Thinking of you & sending hugs ((((Aver))))).
Do I feel that Eliz Edwards "should" feel humilated? (Like I do, like many of us do) NO!!! I think she ROCKS OUT and her LOSER husband is, well, you fill in the expletives.
Do I feel that Elin Woods "should" feel humilated? NO!!! I feel sorry that she has to go thru this horrible stuff, but in no way shape or form do I shake my head or cluck my tongue at her---I, and everyone else on the planet, think Tiger is a scum!
And same for Mrs. Spitzer, and Mrs.Governor, and we all know Hillary just stuck with Bill for her presidential chances (use and use alike!)
There must be an Eliz Edwards Fan Club. Maybe I'll start it.
Totally with you! ^^^ She rocks, and so does Sandra Bullock!
