She Say's She Want's Out Of The Marriage

[steady]

"It was a constructive talk, but at one point she surprised me. She said there were times when she felt like a piece of meat to me because i would grope her. Now I know I have come out and said what I wanted to do to her, our touch her butt. However, I never groped her."

You think you didn't grope her. Your point of view is yours. The important thing to remember is SHE thinks what you did was groping. Granted, they'll rewrite history to back up their position - I know my W did it hundreds of times. (and that's no exaggeration)

Ignoring you is passive aggressive. It's her trying to hurt you because she's doing something she doesn't want to do and she's blaming you for 'putting' her in that position. It's very disrespectful behavior. You didn't put a gun to her head and force her to come home.

It seems like she may be reacting to what happened in MC. Perhaps what you said about her not spending enough time with the kids hit her in her guilt spot. But she'll find some way to blame you.

"She <said> she was sacrificing part of herself in order to spend time with her children. "

Poor woman. Having to make a sacrifice in order to see her children. What is it a burden to see them? I know what she means about 'having' to move back to the house 'against her will'. But it's ridiculous.

"I really don't know what to do about this new situation. It's very uncomfortable and counterproductive. We got along well and had very productive conversations. Now we don't speak, so how are we ever going to fix anything?"

This is why being separated physically can be a good thing. It keeps this kind of tension away.

"She's going to start forcing my hand, and I don't know what to do. She is obviously very confused, lost and detached from reality. it's amazing how she can take her own actions or inactions and put blame on others. She obviously feels guilt for something or else she wouldn't be here.."

tbart, remember she can't FORCE your hand. Only you can move your hand. She can try to put pressure on you but it doesn't mean you have to react to it. I can't tell you how many times my W said, "Why don't you just leave" to me. Each time I answered, this is my house and my children too. You want out, why don't you just leave.

We lived together for a full year after she told me she wanted a D. The tension only grew and grew. The tension was from her side and not mine, but it was there nonetheless.

What should you do? Act as if her behavior doesn't bother you. She's trying to push your buttons and every time you react to it you are giving her what she wants. If she disrespects you call her on it. Other than that, ignore her behavior and continue to live your life with your kids.

If you don't absorb her negativity or react to it, she'll eat the shite sandwich she's trying to feed you.

Here's another Zen story that fits this perfectly:

The Gift of Insults

There once lived a great warrior. Though quite old, he still was able to defeat any challenger. His reputation extended far and wide throughout the land and many students gathered to study under him.

One day an infamous young warrior arrived at the village. He was determined to be the first man to defeat the great master. Along with his strength, he had an uncanny ability to spot and exploit any weakness in an opponent. He would wait for his opponent to make the first move, thus revealing a weakness, and then would strike with merciless force and lightning speed. No one had ever lasted with him in a match beyond the first move.

Much against the advice of his concerned students, the old master gladly accepted the young warrior's challenge. As the two squared off for battle, the young warrior began to hurl insults at the old master. He threw dirt and spit in his face. For hours he verbally assaulted him with every curse and insult known to mankind. But the old warrior merely stood there motionless and calm. Finally, the young warrior exhausted himself. Knowing he was defeated, he left feeling shamed.

Somewhat disappointed that he did not fight the insolent youth, the students gathered around the old master and questioned him. "How could you endure such an indignity? How did you drive him away?"

"If someone comes to give you a gift and you do not receive it," the master replied, "to whom does the gift belong?"