Need a Plan for My Marriage

[Onthemountaintop]

She told me there cannot be an affair since it is already over. I told here we are still H and W. She told me it does not matter.
...
I did get her to put the remaining money in our joint account. I will be taking the car for work too. She was very unhappy today. Oh, well. At least she did the dishes for the first time in a long time. Lucky me!

LSG, is it possible that it is over? Her words sound like an admission, but also a conclusion. Unless you have a new fact to confront her with, I would suggest that you focus on the goal rather than the pain. Letting her know that trust isn't there yet but you hope it will be is a goal. Saying, 'it's your fault' type comments are true, but that is pain and won't resolve the ticket issue. I think, pain that big should be expressed on its own (not while trying to explain/discuss an issue)

[sandi2]

You are right that is a good question that Sandie2 asked. I wish I had a better answer for her.

I thought it was a very good answer! It was interesting and gives me something to think about.

Thanks for giving it that much thought.

[Onthemountaintop]

I would give the DB book to the OMW if I had any spare cash.

Maybe suggest the title and she can get it from the library?

[LSG]

Hi Sandie2,

You are welcome.

I am glad you think it was a good answer. It has made me think alot about my R and what I want from it. I still want the M.

[LSG]

Hi Onthemountaintop,

I appreciate your comments.

It is possible that it is over which is the depressing part of it all. I do try to focus on the goal and not the pain, but the pain is what I feel today with the recent post to my thread. I will continue to DB the best I am able to. Part of me wants to tell I still love her, and let's give it another chance. I know this is not what I should do, but everything I seem to be doing is not working. I just don't know. My emotions are taking over at the moment.

I have to think alot about what is happening. Can it be saved, will it be saved, or will it end in the Big D.

[LSG]

Daddylongshanks,

I am glad my thread and others have provided some insight into your own sitch.

[DaddyLongShanks]

LSG,

Do you have any meals or things you can make her that she really enjoys, or backrubs, etc? I know your money is tight.

I'd do some from the heart things before this bomb from the OMW drops. Show her she has a home in you still.

[LSG]

daddylongshanks,

I appreciate the ideas, but after reading robx's thread, I have decided to keep doing what I am doing. I may even do it harder. More to come, but she is needs to start respecting me. I will at least respect myself anyways. It is just that I want the marriage so bad that I am letting my emotions control me and to some extent her too.

I will keep my course in the midst of the pain I feel intensly today. My stomach really hurts today over this. I just need to let it go for now if possible.

[Onthemountaintop]

Part of me wants to tell I still love her, and let's give it another chance.

So why not tell her? Not for her, but for you. Let that emotion out. Don't repeat it. Just once genuinely from deep within. Don't expect anything, but that is one stress you need not break yourself up over.

Depression - the story of my life for the past few months. But, on the other side of the hill I'll be married or not, and the depression will be gone.

[Onthemountaintop]

Problems with computer...

Try compatibility mode (top right side of address bar)

1. Could you make a list of all the reasons you want to divorce her?
I do not want to divorce, but I am finding my options are becoming limited since she is depositing most of her pay to another account.

You sure? The idea of a man kissing your W, other trust issues like lying...there must be things you don't want to accept but are choosing to. I'm just saying that hiding your deeper angers (IF you are) will cause rationality to end during a heated argument. Make sure. Then deal with those thoughts.

I am sure it is me having no job.

There has to be more. Look deeper. If you can't find it, do some reflection or ask for a list. MLC, maybe. Job alone? Maybe it is the words said during an argument?

Yes, if she was really sincere. I do not want a divorce!

How would you know? Wouldn't that take time? Are you making an environment at home to draw her back in? If she does fully come back, then expectations and boundaries can be set. I read Sandi2's story and if I understood her Hs reaction correctly, I was struck by the think my W and (perhaps) you haven't given fully.

Time to deal with the repercussions of the sitch without frequent criticism. Actions like taking money out of the bank seem wrong from my POV from both of you. She had some excuse/reason, and a solution was found. Taking the money didn't solve it, your discussion did.

Good work on the 180s! They don't all need to cost money. Look deep and read lots - try to really figure out what had been eating at you and her. Look for more opporunities, LSG~