When my W started talking about divorce, I did not fight it, but I made it clear she wanted it and I didn't. I agreed with my C that I needed to put the full burden of the decision on her.
This has been my approach to this point. I am letting her take the lead, and making it her responsibility.
I agree with Dumped that if I ask for the D, it gives W the justification she is seeking.
I am concerned that W is moving forward with the game plan because is gives her something to focus on and is seen as the way out of her confusion. How sad would that be?
H 51, W 46 no kids T 22 years M 17 years ILBNILWY 2/10 1st D talk 6/10 partial recovery W files D 5/11 long distance separation 8/11 moving forward on D 10/11 legal separation complete 1/2012
I have no problem with your decision on how to handle it. Just keep in mind that I am not dealing with OM in my sitch. Not sure what I'd do if my M were in trouble with OM involved.
W is apparently done with both H and OM at this point. No doubt OM played a huge role in demise of the M. W sees the future as dark, but is moving forward with D. What to do now?? Continue to GAL and limit contact as much as possible?
H 51, W 46 no kids T 22 years M 17 years ILBNILWY 2/10 1st D talk 6/10 partial recovery W files D 5/11 long distance separation 8/11 moving forward on D 10/11 legal separation complete 1/2012
W is apparently done with both H and OM at this point. No doubt OM played a huge role in demise of the M. W sees the future as dark, but is moving forward with D. What to do now?? Continue to GAL and limit contact as much as possible?
Why do you say "apparently" any chance?
Based on some things my W said, I thought the same thing but was quite mistaken and relationship with OM has escalated from EA to PA in my opinion.
Me48 WAW46 M24 yrs S24 D21 D19 EA disc 6/09 2nd EA Fall 09 I move out 11/12/09 W and I switch 1/14/10 D Filed 3/17/10 W moves in with OM 6/8/10 D Final 6/21/10
The 'apparently' is based on comments from W about needing to end EA with OM. Can I trust her? Probably not. Certainly do not trust OM. In the trust but verify mode with W.
H 51, W 46 no kids T 22 years M 17 years ILBNILWY 2/10 1st D talk 6/10 partial recovery W files D 5/11 long distance separation 8/11 moving forward on D 10/11 legal separation complete 1/2012
Unbelievable what a never-ending rollarcoaster ride this is. Would be a lot easier just to walk away. All consuming as is, need to focus more on myself and GAL. Need to do, dammit....
H 51, W 46 no kids T 22 years M 17 years ILBNILWY 2/10 1st D talk 6/10 partial recovery W files D 5/11 long distance separation 8/11 moving forward on D 10/11 legal separation complete 1/2012
You don't have to think of it as walking away forever. Realize she has no role for you right now, and is doing things that are hurting you. Make a decision to walk away for a set period of time, say three months. During that time, don't include her in your life, and try to push her from your head. Give yourself the gift of healing, of peace from the madness. Live your life. Trust me, three months is NOTHING in the timeframe of these situations.
I dunno... she needs a curve ball of some kind... but I don't know what to say. Mine expected me to fight him tooth and nail... I did a 180 and was very cooperative to what he thought we should do to split things. (I had a 2nd plan, incase he didn't grow his brain back... but I digress.)... Where I live, we have to have a 1 year sep before able to file... so it bought me some time. What's the laws where you live?
Abbey
Last edited by Abbey; 05/04/1002:27 AM.
T:22, M:20 H:55 Me:45 H-OW PA: N/07 OW Jan08 Bomb:Feb/08 S: Apr/08 Back together Ap1/09-Sept/11 Oct, 2011, uncertain future/H is a mess. Dec/11 - Doin'friend mode. Some days are better than others.
Here the D is filed and there is a 4 month cooling off period. Not very long in these types of sitchs. I agree with the curve ball...just paranoid it will justify her moves. Probably paranoid due to my befuddled brain.
Thanks for you input. Please let me know what you think.
H 51, W 46 no kids T 22 years M 17 years ILBNILWY 2/10 1st D talk 6/10 partial recovery W files D 5/11 long distance separation 8/11 moving forward on D 10/11 legal separation complete 1/2012
