I know how you feel about dishonesty. Maybe write it out like Hope4Luv says so you will have some time and also you will KNOW you told him and multiple times and he can never say or act like you didn't if you're seriously going to walk over this one.
He's making honesty a control fight. I don't know what you should do about it. He thinks it's his business, not yours. It is a control fight pure and simple. But it's weird that he's willing to lower himself (lie) to keep control by lying.
Time for some boundaries. When they won't respect your feelings after listening to you talk, you can't explain yourself any more. You simply have to say what you will and won't put up with, what the consequence will be, and follow through. (This from the girl who is really bad at it).
Run it by us first to have your thoughts in order.
Boundaries were all set the other day, I just want to know whats going on with sis when it happens and not find out later, so it ends up with embarrasing situations, when my parents do the we know what you dont know cr*p.
Things are more settled now so hopefully this will be the end of this topic, I just have to let it go on minimal annoyances.
Work is a pain atm, we were due holiday pay and they are arguing about it, was really looking forward to having a few pennies to spend on me for a change!
Hope you are all ok?
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
Maybe you can work on detaching from your parents "we know what you don't know" crap. I think you said it's a lifelong trigger. That would be both the hardest to work on and one that could make the most difference in your life.
I'm sure there's things you know that they don't either. You just don't choose to rub their faces in it.
LR, sorry to hear about recent events. Honesty is really important to me in a M, and I lose respect for people who take the "easy way out" by lying. It would be cool to get a third party to help you guys with this...it sounds like you've communicated very clearly about this and he's not getting it.
(((LR)))
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
Ok now this is purely hypothetical, but there is a good possibility of H getting a job away from home! He will be away at work mon-fri and commute home for the weekend.
Great you all say! Yep I have had him home with me for precisely three months and now this possibility arises and it will be for ten months! and No we cant afford to turn it down.
All my wobbles are trying to get up and annoy me, so far Im not letting them! Im strong enough to cope with this and as long as I have plenty of money, I have my darling baby girls, (horse & cat) and I have friends and S (21) and things I can be doing to GAL.
H has already said we can do this, we will have to work things out and work at them. All I have said so far is if he is working all week and both of need time to persue our hobbies its going to be very hard. He said well maybe he'd have to let go some of his go, but I answered I didnt want him back working to live only and him going back to where he was when he left last august.
All my feelings of being left again are getting severely rattled, but one important thing is for this to work I cant go back to being needy and clingy while he is away, I totally get that is an addeded stress on the H's when they already have enough on their plate.
Obviously I will be able to fly up to see him as well, yes its about an hour plus flying time away. IM just so scared our very fragile R is going to take a hammering even though personally Im much better equipped to deal with this than ever before.
Come on oh wise ones give me your best words of wisdom I sure need them!
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
Can he keep looking for work near where you are if he takes this? If not, can you make a plan to move there in the future or set up your work schedule to be there more than just weekends? It sounds like it could work for six months or so but you might not want to make a permanent lifestyle of separation. Would you?
Well the timing of this sure is not ideal for you and your M my friend!
I think you and your M are stronger than you know. If this ends up happening, I think you will handle it better than you think you will. You and H will definitely have to make a plan for how you will keep your M a priority.
Like rr I was wondering about the possibility of you moving with him if that job ends up looking like a good long term fit for him?
Well nothing to update really, no news on the job front still, but its a bank holiday over here in the uk so not surprising!
Still getting along ok, but I do hanker after our old relationship some times, this one still feels like putting on a new pair of jeans every day, a bit hard and uncomfortable!
Had the first genuine sounding ILY on friday which was really nice and also he rearranged what he was doing to spend some tiem with me, I popped out to ride madam but actually stuck to a schedule time instead of meandering back when done, got home all clean and tidy and he sat there on his laptop and I thought oh great another weekend sat here being ignored so suggested we went out for a bit too which he got ready straight away and we went out for a nice drive and a drink in the pub.
Interesting reading the settling for it thread and wondering im i just settling, and will things change that much when he has a job, atm he cant do loads of romantic gestures we dont have the money, but he does try in other ways, he is much more complementary about my appearance, and I get more hugs and cuddles but I find that hard as I know hes fufilling his needs there and dont know if its a touch of cake eating..
Things are getting better but oh so slowly!
On the topic of going with him the job is just contracting so a) I wouldnt have to and B) no I wouldnt go now with him, he has lost my trust and that will take at least a few years to build up again, once I would have gone any where for him but not now! I want to be near the friends who loved and took care of me when he didnt, where I feel safe! He doesnt acknowledge it mostly cos he doesnt think so,he has lost a large part of me I dont feel Im ever going to be able to give back, bits hopefully one day he will miss!
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
