Completely Blindsided

[blind]

First day at the new job.

I honestly had myself convinced that a mindless data entry role would distract me enough that I wouldn't have time to fixate on every little thing..

... wow... I'm an idiot.

If anything, I had MORE time.

I think also the fact it's been nearly a week since I've heard from her is driving me insane. It's the longest we've not talked in 7 years.

I'm torn on what to do.

Tomorrow night there's a show on that we usually watch together. If i watch it, we'll have something to talk about.... or I could go to another ballroom lesson. I went last week, had a girl hit on me, and felt like dirt because of it.

Went to a friend's b'day on the weekend and ate my first real meal in a week... wow, that sucked. Pain in many ways.

There was a friend of a friend there looking to hook up, and my female friend offered her my number when she was asking if she knew any single guys.... that hurt too. I'm not single. I'm separated. I don't want to be single. I was a terrible single person. And I love my wife too much to even look at someone else.

I agreed at the party to go to dinner with my friend during the week for a mate's work leaving thing (I'm just trying to get out of the house)... I've now found out that I'm supposed to be going as someone's date!! I don't want to be alone in the house running my mind in circles, but that's really going too far.

36 hrs or so till I talk to her... and I get the feeling that nothing will have changed... for the better, and maybe some things for the worse.

I've read up on all the divorce busting stuff, but it all seems like things you do when your partner is THERE, or at least close by. How do I deal with her an entire literal world away?

Feeling down today.