Yes, I've been distrustful at times, and so has H. The blame game has gone on too long. So I"m ahamed of my mistakes and misleadings, and I'm equally ashamed I've been misled.
Issue today. H last night had said he would text me in the morning what time and where he would pick up S today. I would end my job at noon, and had to run to rehearsal, H would meet me somewhere along the road.
So he texts me this morning "Hey, I'm in the city this morning and can pick up S at your rehearsal. I don't know where your rehearsal is, let me know." Um, yeah, I already told him where rehearsal was. I couldn't help but feel this was BAIT.
This means one or both of two things -he's at OW's, -he's been partying and stayed over somewhere. None of this is the man I married. Either way my adrenaline shot through the roof. I have consistently asked for the respect that he tell me none of his "personal life" especially around OW and also around partying. The fact that he disrespected this leads me to believe he was trying to upset me. He likes to do that.
I did not text him right away. I had to calm down or I was going to blast him for being so disrespectful and just make things worse. I also figured if he is going to disrespect my requests, I don't have to do anything. So I took S with me to rehearsal for a couple hours while H continued to call/hang up.
When I was ready, I txted H and laid this boundary: "I guess you weren't listening when I said I do not want to hear about your private life, or when I told you exactly where and what time I would be at rehearsal. I also want firm plans in advance from now on, a request you have continually ignored. You can come pick up S at _______"
Why should I bend over backwards to be "flexible" with the schedule (I am normally a flexible person) when H uses this to hurt me and rub OW in my face? And, when he flips a raging lid if I'm ever late. AND how about the times he has stormed off or threatened to storm off when it was his day with S? NO, he has too much power here. H needs to stick to a schedule and show me he can follow through. So I didn't fight, I didn't even talk to him. I didn't explain, defend, or try to make him listen. I simply wrote what I expect from now on.
I am proud of myself that I calmed myself down after the minibomb this morning. I felt like flipping out and going home to cry myself to sleep, but instead, I calmed myself down, took some space, and got on with my day.
Have I also mentioned he has made fun of me on his last two twitter posts? This is getting so juevenile and mean I can't take it anymore.
HAVE I SAID HOW MUCH THIS SUCKS! I don't even think I'm DBing anymore. Im just trying to stand up for myself and move on.
