When do you just accept that a WAS is not just unwilling but incapable of being all in?
Does it really matter? If he's simply unwilling to make changes is that somehow better? Or is it better that he's incapable of growing?
The bottom line is that he has learned the bare minimum you require and that is all he will do. Is that good enough for you? Do not expect that things will ever get better. They may, they may not. I believe you're better off preparing for the worst and being happily surprised if anything surpasses those expectations.
IMHO, you deserve WAY better. I have always thought that. If you decide that staying married is more important than having a fulfilling relationship then that is your choice. I understand there are children involved and you'd rather raise your sons in an in tact family. But you have to accept the consequences that go with it. The man you're married to is not acting like a partner, he's more like a third child.
If you choose to D then yes, it will be difficult. It's hard being a single parent. It's hard to make ends meet. But will you be happier without H's constant drama? Can you provide a more stable home for the boys on your own? Only you know what's best for A&K.
You can love someone but it doesn't mean they are a good partner. You can love someone and still divorce them because you love yourself more and you choose to do what is best for you.
I agree with you whole-heartedly. It is difficult when at one moment I know sure as day that this ridiculous and that we can pull this marriage off of the cliff and then the next moment I know I need to end it.
It is no less than horrifying to take the leap on behalf of my children. He left and he doesn't have the balls to pull the plug...that is the part that is hardest to forgive. I do not know that life will be better for them if we divorce. I just don't know. It is the hardest part to figure out.
But, I'm alone. I have been for quite a while now and as exhausted as I am, I know what single parenting is and I can handle it. I have to let go of the dream and again, the much purported notion that divorce is bad and f*cks up children and that I should DB until the cows come home. I would do just about anything for the welfare of my children so it is a mindf*ck to initiate a process that "experts" say is so painful and destructive for them. Grrr....tough stuff.
