Overall, I am doing very well and I see a beautiful life for myself. I feel pretty strongly that I will divorce my H.
Whether it is an OW or work or whatever, it is a choice on their parts. What if there is work or OW or some other distraction in the future? I get what you mean about the truth helping you come back together (I experienced that before when my H left once many years ago). He came back committed and won me back and I trusted him. We all make choices as to what we will allow into our lives and to impact our families.
Kalni- I hope for you that your H is not still in the cycle of trying to win your approval and meet your expectations rather than create a genuinely fulfilling life together because that is what he values most. If you are in it, I say make every effort to go 100%, trust, laugh, love, live your life as harmoniously as you can. It will be worth it no matter what the future holds. If my H expressed a desire to try, to fully commit, even after all of this, I would go all in. What do you have to lose? As of now, my H is straight up saying he is willing to lose this marriage rather than try. So, I think the fat lady is singing for me. They are just words and he will be back...I am pretty certain of that but I'm so f*cking tired.
I don't hold DB responsible for my marriage or the results of my "work"...I honestly think that most of the marriages on here will eventually end but for a very few where the individuals BOTH do the hard work of growing up and changing.
I know I can't shut up and take it for my kids. I pondered it for a while. It is not true to who I am or my values. It is difficult to pull the plug especially because, as a child of divorce, I know that the drama never ends...the ex and all of his baggage impacts my life indefinitely. What I do get in divorcing him is being master of my own life and divorcing myself from the expectation, hope, prospect that we will be together. It is me creating a life for myself and my kids and being available to new relationships.
Kalni, I think you did settle for a long time. I did too. Whether it pays off in the end remains to be seen. I have nothing but respect for you for hanging in. I respect myself for doing it too. I just don't know where the end point is, it sure feels like this is it for me.
