NM, i have to disagree, H does NOT live me. Love would never let someone treat someone else this way. As for him being 100% not in sons life, I agree. But H doesnt get that!??!?!?!?
He says over and over, me and you have nothing to do with the baby! and said I didnt leave my son, i left you. Today was a really crappy day. Have birthing classes set up next week, wondering how strange it would be if I went alone? Will ask my doc this week. Or i may cancel them altogether.
I am so sad bc im starting to realize that I dont have a strong desire for baby to be born yet... actually wish I was pregnant for 15 more months... is that horrible to say? It upsets me bc if H was here I think I would be the mushiest and most loving PG mommy. I just feel awful and so self absorbed! and I dont put the baby first like I should be. And that got me thinking, if I feel that way, and I am carrying him, no wonder H doesnt feel a thing!
I read your threads today... we have so many similarities its scarry! Have to read the infedility forum.
I feel like there is no hope. Not one ounce. How many times do I need to hear that he doesnt love me for it to sink in?
BD, sorry I suggested it's good that he wants to be in your son's life because yes, if they are separated, it's always going to be partial involvement. Which sucks big time.
Yes, it makes no sense when they say they are leaving you but not the baby, or that I am here for the baby (implying not for you). The baby is INSIDE us. We are one. We are women, so that's how we see it. Maybe men see it a different way..?
I also beleive these guys would NEVER have picked up and left if we didn't get pregnant - even if it was THEIR wish to have a family!!! But pregnancy is one of those huge life triggers... it tips people over the edge. If they have doubts, they feel TRAPPED. This is certainly my H's case.
As for you wanting to stall the pregnancy, heck, I've been thinking for weeks if only I could press PAUSE while I sorted myself out and my M before little one arrives. It's good to be honest. You are a woman! Not just a mother. You'll take care of the baby just fine when he comes.. I know it from reading you all this time. Don't stress about that today.
Like you, I have had to hear it a thousand times. How about take it this way: TODAY he FEELS he doesn't love you "that way".
No one can tell whether or not he will love you that way again.
Me 36; H 40 baby born in May M:13, T:15 Bomb (OW): Dec 09 began DBing: Feb WH overseas with OW old: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2027369#Post2027369
Oh, it is bad to instill hope? Sorry guys. I missed that discussion. I still have a tinge of hope in all our sitches; not that everything will be hunky-dory, but that the WAHs can have a personal revolution and take steps in the direction of piecing. Hope that's okay. . .
My WH specifically said that if I wasn't pregnant, this wouldn't be happening. Later he said he hasn't wanted to be with me for years, blah blah blah. Changed his story. But pregnancy definitely is a trigger, like P said!
I'm sorry for how hard this is. Are you thinking of signing and sending the papers, BD, just because you're hoping a bit your H will say 'nevermind'? Sorry to bring it up, but you really don't want a D.
I don't know what's best, to sign or not. I really don't. Do what you think is best when you are at your calmest and what gives you the most peace.
And, BD, you will be a very good mom. You have so much love to give, that little boy will just soak it up! I don't know if it helps you, but I have definitely thought of my little one and me as partners. In fact, that Dave Matthews song "You and Me" (don't listen to it if you're not ready; could have strong overtones for the lost M) makes me think of me and her. We can do anything!
As for the birthing class, I strongly recommend going and bringing a friend. I don't think you should go alone. Everyone else has a partner, and they do a lot of "partner" stuff. I was the only one in my class with a female partner, and the facilitator kept saying "husband" "father" and my friend and I would just laugh. By the last class, the facilitator finally used gender neutral terms!
Yesterday I took a childcare class. I brought two friends, and we had a doll and practiced changing and bathing and swaddling and stuff like that. It helps so much to have others with you to take your mind off of H. I really wished WH would take this class, but then I consoled myself that I could teach him what he needs to know if he wants.
Keep writing, hope to hear from ya later tonight. . .
you are all truly good friends... you let me rant and rave and hope and pray and everything in between... you all might be the silver lining in my clouds...
i dont think its wrong to instill hope... without hope life would be pretty dreary... dont you think?
hope helps us get through hard times I think. I do want you preggos to still post or go on FB when you have your babies--check in! I always wanted to know someone who was going through something similar as me when I was pregnant and a new mom- like at the same time. But didn't know anyone!
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
I dont want to sign the papers... I initiated the conversation when he first left and told him to file. But I believe he just needed the push. But he knew when he left it was what he wanted. i have asked H if he is happy that I am moving forward w the papers and he said if he didnt want the D, he wouldnt have filed. he said it to my mom today. He truly wants us to be over. From when i recieved the papers I refused to sign them because I didnt want it, didnt agree with it. I did sign them last weekend. I havent done anything with them yet.
I am not signing them to get his reaction as I think we are past that point. Im siging and filing b/c there is nothing more to do. H has not asked me to send them back, but what exactly am I trying to prove by not signing? That i am so hung up on him i cant see straight?
I guess I am just feeling that by signing I know that I cant continue to want him back or wish him back. Putting the lid on the pot.
If putting the lid on the pot is what you need right now, then totally do it. I see what you mean in your explanation. I might send them in if I were in your shoes, too. Doesn't mean I still don't think reconciliation is possible, though! Because I do. But if this timing is good for you, go for it.
When a big decision like this one is churning around in your head, sometimes you need to take a break and come back to it.
You could take the attitude, To hell with it!, I'm busy thinking about other thigs right now and the last thing I need is to be in my third trimester and signing lousy divorce papers! H and his D can go jump!
I believe in DBing you're not meant to do anything that helps the D along...let him work hard for your sig? just an idea? I think if you say "dear H, I really don't have time right now for this. I have bigger fish to fry right now, ie. having a baby".
Me 36; H 40 baby born in May M:13, T:15 Bomb (OW): Dec 09 began DBing: Feb WH overseas with OW old: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2027369#Post2027369
