Thank you FM and CW. Yeah, day 1 of him seeing it. I am a woman of my word and I told him last month that if we divorce, we will co parent as aquaintances. He will surely test me.
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
Me 36; H 40 baby born in May M:13, T:15 Bomb (OW): Dec 09 began DBing: Feb WH overseas with OW old: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2027369#Post2027369
His "fit" is kinda funny. Rather childish of him, really! But it shows that your distance bothers him, and I think that means something about how he values you.
(Did I catch a slip with 'Carter'?)
me, 30 WH, 29 D born June 2010 M: July 2001 Bomb/S: 1/14/10 Done with it all.
oops!!! now everyone will know who I am! lol! yep that's his name.
I bet tomorrow at pick-up in the parking lot he will act like a big baby too! but I will be the way I feel like being!
I don't know if he values me...he is with her and wants a D! but it would be nice if he did I guess.
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
Yeah, I was thinking about how I said "values you" and what you might say back. I think that if he didn't value your presence, he would not care about your change. He's be truly indifferent about it. So. . . laugh at the fits!
I thought I had let my name slip in the other day when I copied and pasted WH's email in here in about 30 seconds. I switched the names real quick and then pressed 'submit' and then thought whoops! but I did cover it. Someday, though, it will probably slip out. Conversely, I might write "WH" to WH! Ha ha ha, no probably not.
lol Gatsby! Do you know how many times in conversation with friends I said "if he wants a D..." or "If he wants to R..." this internet lingo transfers over! I also have said BS (betrayed spouses), WS (wayward spouses) and OPs (other person- but should be AP- affair partner) to real live friends too!
I know I shouldn't care but I wonder if WH will go to OW and vent to her about how I am acting. I am sure she is delighted and will try to villainize me. But I have done NOTHING to warrant those claims! He knows it! He knows it is normal and healthy for me to be pissed off! So there isn't much either of them can really complain about. Not that I should care but am only curious.
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
Heh, she'd be jealous that he's bothered. Boo on the OW! Probably incredibly insecure, she is . . . okay, I'll stop with that line of thought. I could slam APs all night!
There may be attacks from others about your new distance, but you gotta do what you feel is best!
Am so confused... the real me is kind and caring and it is EASIER for me to be this way than cold and distant. It is harder to treat my WH the way I should treat him than to just be nice.
I hate that.
I don't know how to be...I hate the fact that the way I acted today will not last. I mean if he just drops of S and doesn't try to talk to me, I will be able to just smile and say "good night! See you tomorrow." But if he wants to talk to me, ARGHH! I can only be angry for so long. So bizarre- with boyfriends, you break up and then I don't reach out and then if I ran into them I was polite but never interested in resuming anything.
Damn it. I guess with a husband it is just complicated--or I should say a soon to be ex husband who is the father of my child.And I still love him.
Last edited by newmama; 05/03/1004:54 AM.
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
NM, it's very possible he doesn't mention you at all to the OW...I am no expert on that but wouldn't he be trying to keep you in separate boxes as much as possible.
I think treat your WH however you want to. You are too hard on yourself. I know you love him, but I reckon you've 'done' your share of nice! Being angry every once in a while (or 10 times a day in my case!!) can be good for the soul - but don't ruin it by feeling guilty afterwards though!!
Having said that, yes, acting peacefully with those who have harmed us is untimately good... but give yourself time to get there.
