Ok bear with me on this, your mind is a powerful thing. Now I am no expert but I have been learning some stuff. Playing the devils advocate here... What if your wife is doing these things like “sleeping elsewhere” to get a point across to you? Maybe she is trying to jolt YOU into intimacy? The truths that we believe are what our mind tells us are the truth. Our minds do not know what reality is. just what we think is reality. I for one believed that my wife did not want me to touch her. I believed the truth was that she hated my touch. So my mind took this as the truth and I did not touch her. Does she not like my touch? I really don’t know, she has not said so but that is what I believed to be the truth. So I have been “re-programming” my mind. I am rejecting my belief in reality and substituting it with a reality on my own. One where if I feel like touching my wife I will. If I want to give her a kiss I will. If I want her to give me a kiss I will tell her... (Not ask but tell her). Since I have been doing this things have been getting better and better between my wife and I. I am taking control. If I feel like doing something I do it without fear of making her mad. If I make her mad... Oh well… but at least I tried what I wanted to do. Without trying I would have only believed it would make her mad. And I will tell you one other thing… She has NOT gotten mad yet. So that means all the advances that I was not doing because I “Believed the truth was” that she did not want me to do them would not have happened if I stuck with what I “Thought was the truth” Did I lose ya yet? I know you have fears of rejection in the area of intimacy. But why? What is the worst thing that could happen? Your Wife wants a divorce? You already stated you would be fine with it if that is what she wanted… CL you know that “emotions” are strong. It is not memories that hurt but the emotions behind them. What I am learning to do is Trick my memories. Whenever I am about to try something to reconnect with my wife I bring back a really good memory. I instantly get a smile on my face. (To be honest with ya this memory does not involve my wife but does involve a woman I dated) Now I am NOT pretending that my wife is that woman. I have the picture of my wife in my brain… but I use the emotions I was “feeling” from that other moment with that other person. This is kind of hard to explain. SO big guy what I want you to do right now...Think back to some time when you were dancing and did this incredible move. And after how people came up to you and said ‘WOW CL that was great”...ok so do you have one of those memories pictured in your mind? Are you feeling that Great emotion? Now try not to smile…..see you can’t do it… Ok so think about how you felt after that great dance move….Feel the emotion…..now Picture in your mind, you and your wife being intimate but FEEL the emotion from the dance……..GO CL GO
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
