We may be collaterol damage in that process, but now I have tobecome the beacon of light for myself, for baby and to show him who I am, what my values ARE. Lead by example, sort of thing?
I feel and have always felt the exact same thing. All along in this process since S birth I have evaluated decisions I was making by saying and thinking "Is this showing S my values, example of what is tolerable in a marriage, an example of a strong woman that he should come to look for? Is it an example of being the best mom I can be?" So I hope I showed him that even though his dad did this to me and I allowed him to be with OW without making the decision to file for D, I did it because I had hope that his dad and I would be together and I wanted to make sure, no matter what, that he and his dad had a good relationship. But once his dad decided to divorce, I proceeded to live my life and find a better husband.
If your H doesn't want to be with your child and be the most involved as possible then your child will understand why you responded the way you did. Even if your H wants to be a part of your child's life and super involved, your child will know you didn't want the divorce; you planned to have her based on love and intention of having a family. This outcome was not your decision or choice whatsoever!
Sorry if this is confusing. My point is that if we hang on or fight for our M it is still respectable. If we ditch the M and do our best to try and make sure the dad is in their lives (if the dad is willing) then it is still respectable.
No matter what you are already being the example you want to set for your daughter.
Last edited by newmama; 05/02/1010:24 PM.
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
