It is called rewriting marital history and blameshifting. I know that you think it is genuine- and it is genuinely how he feels "at the moment." YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN ABLE TO TELL IF HE WASN'T "LOVING YOU" OR "UNHAPPY" FOR "YEARS!!!" BS!!!!
NM, I appreciate that, but I could tell and I did feel it... :-I just thought it was normal that he was distant and always busy and always avoiding me. I shifted the blame to work, stress... I thought it would "blow over", was a phase. It was a very long phase though!!
Everything he criticised me for (and it wasn't much, and he was very clam and respectful about it) is true of my character and I can see how I made him unhappy.
BUT I do agree is there always a certain amount of re-writing when the A is around. That's why I asked him to end it so we can assess our M or the end of it with clear heads and on safe ground. So his comment that our relationship was one of "codependency", not love - well! that one I put I the martial rewriting box!!!!
I have hope, but I see my man has different values to me and he is really being tested at this time to SHOW WHO he is. Who he is going to BECOME. We may be collaterol damage in that process, but now I have to become the 'beacon of light' for myself, for baby and to show him who I am, what my values ARE. Lead by example, sort of thing...
