AJM, I learned something from your post and it's like a light bulb just went on in my head. You said the MLC r needs to cause us pain because that is the fuel they need to propel them through MLC.
[quote=AJM]
My thought is that for them to face reality is really that much more painful than losing you. They can't be happy either way and they choose the one thing they can try and control - their relationship with you. They tell themselves whatever it takes to make that happen. At your cost.
They will use them for the fuel they can't get from us to propel themselves through this process. They are in desperate need to do so.
Oh. And remember that they may look unhappy to you. And they are. But they will be different around other people. Almost normal to many. It's bizarre how it just all of a sudden (to us anyway) happened overnight. Like an emotional stroke.
Again, how did you get so wise, AJM? All of a sudden it makes sense to me. They do need to strike out at us so they can build up the hate and anger they have for us and then they can justify their own crummy behavior. Which is just sick!! And, yes they must appear normal to their friends. His woman friend told me that my h is "a very kind, caring man. He is great to talk to because he's such a good listener. He would give you the shirt off his back." I told her yes, he is all of those things. I didn't mention that he is also acting like a jerk and he's sneaky, a liar, manipulator, etc. She only sees the good in him and that is what I saw when I first met him. She also told me that he has never said anything about me in specifics. He has mentioned the divorce process but nothing personal. Hmmmm? Not that I put much stock in what she has to say. She looked so wasted I'm not sure she knew what she was saying.
I was also reading another thread where someone mentioned how clueless they are about the whole divorce process. I think my h actually thought he could just move out, pretend he never met me, never had children with me and he can go on his merry way and not pay me a dime. He keeps telling me how broke he is and I can't help but wonder how in the world he is going to manage later on when he's paying me spousal support forever. He is clueless! He once said to me "I can't afford to pay for 2 households." I laughed and said "well what do you think divorce is?" That was months ago when he still had lucid moments and actually talked to me. And at that time, he actually said he might not be able to afford it and would be moving back home. Now, he's in la la land!
I have been keeping a journal, although I haven't been as faithful to it lately. I re-read some of the things I had written when this first started. I could not believe how messed up I was! Even my handwriting was bad. I have a lot to learn and a looooooooooong way to go in this journey. But, I now realize I have come a long way since the beginning. Yes, I still think about him all the time, but I am also going about my day with normal routines.
A friend called me on Friday and told me she had applied to be a professor at the college I went to. Her husband went there too, as well as my husband. They have a satellite branch here in town and she is hoping she can teach there. She told me all of this because they are starting a new program and they need an administrator. She already gave them my name and told them if they hire her, she wants me. Which sounds great to me!!! And the icing on the cake is that if I worked there, I could finish my degree and not have to pay much. So, think good thoughts for me...say a prayer, light a candle, whatever! LOL!
Keep on swimming, keep on swimming.
Forgive me for not knowing how to put in your quote the right way. I am just having one those brain dead moments and can't figure out how to do it! LOL!
Not that I put much stock in what she has to say. She looked so wasted I'm not sure she knew what she was saying. 
And the icing on the cake is that if I worked there, I could finish my degree and not have to pay much. So, think good thoughts for me...say a prayer, light a candle, whatever! LOL! 
