Just a few quick thoughts as I am pressed for time right now. This is a very interesting topic.
DBing is in the first instance, I think, a way of putting the brakes on a vehicle that is sliding down a hill. Once the brakes are applied and the downward slide is averted, you have to begin the work of getting back up the hill. It may take a while. The vehicle may be stalled and it may be obvious that the other partner doesn't want to be in the vehicle with you. But you are in the driver's seat because you are the one who wants the vehicle to keep going up the hill.
But the brakes can't be on all the time and there must be forward , upward movement at some point. If there was any "settling" before, that settling must be addressed by both persons in order to move forward. In a sense we all do a little "settling" because we will never find a person with every single thing that we desire in a partner. There is no perfect M because there are no perfect people. On major moral issues there can be no settling because that is a recipe for disaster in a M. After the dust has settled, you are easing off the brakes and the disaster has been averted, you must be in agreement that you are headed in the same direction.
I don't think that the concept of DBing encourages settling in the long term. Perhaps you "settle" for somethings in the interim while trying to get matters stabalized. I don't think that this is really a DB concept in any event. It is a marriage concept - for better or for worse. I may "accept" a certain state of affairs knowing that that may be the state of play at the time but that I would not settle for that situation ad infinitum because I have the expectation that the issues would be addressed in order to have a healthy M. Some issues take time to be resolved and sticking in there while giving the situation that time is not settling in my view. The point is that there must be some resolution and that requires genuine work from both parties at some point.
M is really meant to be a beautiful thing where two people are invested in each other, have each other's best at heart and seek to reach the standard that God has set for marriage. It really hurts my heart that so many people have fundamental struggles in marriage because this is so far from what it is intended to be.
