I know what she meant. I asked him what his ideal was and he was honest. It was not his actual expectation (at least I'm pretty sure).
As of now he is "confused"...he will not jump into the marriage with both feet. He is still attached and loves me and does not want to file for divorce but can accept if I do, he knows I have been patient. He is a flirt and that is just the way he is, he says he has that public persona because he feels like nobody...(this is all paraphrasing what he has told me).
He is a showbiz guy, into image and is working far away, far removed from me and the kids and our debt and reality. He wants it easy, he wants what he wants when he wants it. But he sent flowers on Valentines Day and wants to be THAT guy too. He gives me most of his money (to cover bills etc). He wants to talk almost every day.
Anyway, I get just enough to keep my from filing. Even now, I can feel that he is getting nervous since I laid it out for him.
He is a child. He would need to seriously get some help to grow up and be a real husband. I'm just so f*cking exhausted dealing with him.
And, he's a lucky SOB that I would even consider being with him after all of this. He's impossible to live with and frankly I can't stand him in so many ways by now. But I would still do it. If he was in, I would stretch myself and I would step up, honor our commitment and be in too.
When do you just accept that a WAS is not just unwilling but incapable of being all in? I don't want to give up on him, I love him but...he's blowing it.
