I tell my family all of the time, it takes more than 4 months to erase 12 years... I am still in shock, for pete's sake! I still wake up in the middle of the night and look over and get sick to my stomach when i realize he is not next to me. I wake up some mornings wondering if I made it all up...
I had my mom stay a few days to sleep over, doesnt help. She is so upset and doesnt know how to pick me up and blames herself for everything... i dont want to stay w her either... she is planning to stay for 2 weeks when the boy is born. But we live 5 minutes apart... walking distance that is... sometimes... it is too close. she doesnt understand that she and my siblings are not my husband and cant replace him and should not feel responsible for him...
i want to raise the baby, at least bring him home from the hospital to my house. If I could do it alone, I would. I find myself pushing everyone else away... they dont make it easier, in fact I find that when people cater to me or make me feel like they have to overcompensate for my H leaving, makes me uneasy.
Not sure i can handle H in my baby's life, or the delivery or pregnancy, etc, etc, ect. Wish someone had the right answer... wish someone could just tell me the right thing to do w/o hurting absolutely every one involved and in our lives. This is too much drama for me. We should be planning our days dreaming of names and picking furniture, not like this. I know i have to make the best out of it, but i just dont have the stregnth.
