i know, the thing is he stopped enjoying going from woman to woman and now wants to settle down inspite of his womanizing tendancies. and he did try with me, he just has some bad habits. The porn wasn't really something he did all the time. he did it three times without my knowledge. i couldn't sleep last night at all. after seeing him and letting him tell me for an hour about what a horrible wife i was and hash up every single detail with rage while i just sat there and tried to calmly tell him that i changed and i wanted to focus on now, all i could do all night was be haunted by how bad i was. i feel like today i'm as low as i was five weeks ago. i feel so bad right now, so alone. i don;t see any hope. i know when he moved into his new appartment we will be done. i know he'll find someone else. i do have plans today, to go horseback riding with a friend and then to have lunch with another friend, but i know i'll just be going through the motions, becaus ei feel so absolutely dead inside. i messed everything up and not only is he leaving me, but he'll never regret it and he doesnt even miss me.
