(((Aver))) Hugs & I hope you are holding your head high & feeling fabulous b/c you are!
I know, I know the feelings of regret over comments made, things I did, I don't know if I shared before but 1 mo. before the bomb, Valentines day to be exact! - is when I noticed H acting really weird. I knew something was wrong, did the "trying to talk" etc. And he made a comment that rocked my world - "Are you really happy?"
So I guess I had my 1 mo. warning. I was freaking out on the inside but didnt' know how to deal w it. So I worried a lot & tried to talk myself into "all is fine". I sat down & tried to talk but he said, "I think I better not say anything right now". Hardly comforting. Wish I had run to the nearest MC then. Or found this site!! But I have a bit of a problem w denial & confrontation myself. Bad combo.
So I have done & still do a lot of self kicking, hitting & loads of regret. But I've realized - and w lots of help from this board - he was unhappy a looonnnng time before that. I doubt anything I could have done btwn Feb. 14 & Mar. 14 would have brought him around. My guess is EA/PA was in full swing for some time by then. I have to say, though I know this won't comfort you, at least your X had the respect to admit what he did to you. I dont' think H ever will. I really think he didn't want his family (or parents) to know. Who knows? But I know that doesn't help your pain.
Re: the comments by X regarding how OW acts - blather. Pure crap. Put it out of your mind Aver! Listen - we can NEVER know (but can drive ourselves nuts guessing) what it was that tipped the scale to A. I don't care what anyone says, there is NO excuse for an A in a M or long term committed R. None. You continue to believe you pushed X into it. Like your X, H NEVER, never talked about being unhappy. The worst part of purging/cleaning this house is finding all the old anniversary cards & notes from flowers (yes I'm a packrat ) with his loving notes.
Wish I had been here for you on Wed. when the story broke. But Gardener is right! NOT the whole story. I'm sure by now (I hope) you RL friends have rushed to your support!
You are greiving & feeling your feelings & it really sucks I know. But better to do know than have issues in a year or 2! It's a trauma, & we have to work through this so we don't have PTS syndrome.
Aver I hope you stop beating yourself up soon over X. Please stop!
So other OW is/does this or that. (So X says!) Who knows if that's true? How do you really know why he's with her? Maybe it's b/c she's independently wealthy! X could be saying those things to spite you, who knows??
IMO, You're letting your imagination run away w you!
Personally, she sounds like a pill to me. What is she, a Stepford Wife? Cooks for X, that's her life? Uggghh. If that's what he really wants then I say good riddance to him! Really, Aver, if he's liking this little throw-back to the 50's, do you really want to be with him? And how do you know the clinging vine act won't start to get old w him? After all, 23 years w a strong, funny independent awesome woman, sounds like a rebound w the polar opposite to me.
Just my 2 cents but I REALLY want you to stop idealizing this sorry OW!! And their so-called R. Please try.
OK, I will move to your later posts - just had to get that out! (((Aver))).
) with his loving notes. 
