W still wants separation, need to DB more

[OfficerInNeed]

Yesterday:

W returned home from work, told me she wanted to lay down for a bit before getting ready for the wedding. W laid down I went to the gym and ran a couple errands. When I got home W was sleeping. W wakes up while I was getting ready and told me "OIN I am going to grab something to eat then get ready ok?" and I say "Of course that is OK, take your time." It was different for her to tell me she was going to do something in the form of a question...usually she just does whatever she wants as she would put it.

We both get ready to leave, compliment W dress. W takes out her camera and take picture of me, then wants me to take a picture of her (?). Dog jumps up on W and she said "OIN can you make she the dog stays away" I say "sure, no problem" at the time dog had walked away, I turn to grab something and dog had comeback and jumped on her again so my W got very upset and lashed out at me, so I said in return nearly loosing my cool "When you asked, she was nowhere near you so I thought she would be ok" my W still upset started to mock me. At first I wanted to lash back but remained calm as I could and instantly changed the subject and returned back to being upbeat.

We made it out the door without further incident. During our drive there, I felt like there was tension between us but I could be mistaken. I could have created that tension because on the inside I was upset that she failed to wear her wedding ring. I should no had let it get to me.

At the wedding I did my best to remain upbeat but it was tough, my W was very withdrawn. We sat we a good friend of mine who is engaged. Most of the conversations at the table were about marriage or wedding planning. As I looked at the bride walk around I made the comment to my W, "it is me or does she not look happy?" so my W says "Maybe she realized what a big mistake she just made." This comment was completely I my W.

Throughout the night I found myself allowing my W comments or expression affecting me to the point where I would say something in return.

I asked my W to dance and she refused. Eventually we ended our night and headed home. We stopped off at a store on the way home to get cold medicine for my W. Before we went to check out she said to me "maybe I should have you cash out for me because I can't talk, my throat hurts too much." I said "that is no problem" she then told me nevermind...I asked "why do u need ur voice to cash out" jokingly and she said "cause they greet you and I don't want to be rude." and so I said "Oh you mean like when I say TY and never get a ur welcome" she said "whatever" realizing I just got her upset, I changed the subject and went back to being upbeat...

I have to re-read some posts, I feel like I am loosing focus and becoming attached to her words and emotions again to the point where I say something out of defense.