embracing change

[flowmom]

Detachment feels good. It seems to be sticking.

I have a long way to go to sorting out the next phase of my life, but I feel more acceptance. Still a lot of pain around the children, but choosing to numb out on that right now.

I have to admit that I have a "distraction" that is helping. It feels good to laugh again. Nuff said.

[courageous wife]

You gonna leave us hanging like that?

Good for you on the detaching!!!

[RLay1100]

H just took the kids for the night. S6 was asking about dinner plans and H made a big deal about not telling him in front of me..."we'll talk about it in the car". I also noticed that H was wearing the nice shoes that I bought him that he never wears. I feel pissed off about H playing mindgames. He shouldn't be doing anything with the children that he can't readily disclose to me. Of course I wonder if his plans involve my children being in contact with an OW.

My husband is playing mind games with me, too, and then smirks when he sees pain on my face at the thought of an OW. :-( What I don't understand is he tells me that he wants us both to date while separated to see if we are really what the other wants. He is already suspecting I'm seeing OM (I'm not and I don't give him any indication that I am). He will ask me if I'm dating so-and-so yet, and when I assure him I am not, he immediately replies that he really doesn't care if I'm dating.@@ Lately, though, he is fixated on one particular guy who he knows has been interested in me for some time, but we are just friends. My husband insists it wouldn't bother him if I began dating the guy, but then threatens him bodily harm (rationalizing that he just doesn't want another man to come between him and his kids). ???

[RLay1100]

Either way, try not to take V to heart, but maybe you could consider her as competition and get out your 'biology degree' to make his body go nuts for you. (Fight mode instead of flight)

This is an interesting concept to me.(lol) Any suggestions on how to "make his body go nuts" for me? ;-)

[newmama]

RLay if you start your own thread then a lot of people can respond to you and help you! Go to Index and then choose "new topic" at the top of the page.

FM happy for your "hilarious" distraction! So intrigued too!

[june72]

Flowmom, glad to see detaching is sticking.

Love to see that you are so helpful to others here... shows what a great character you have. That you are in these tough times with everything going on but still have time to help others.

Speaks volumes of you

[DiamondGirl]

(((FM)))

Glad to see the detachment is helping...working on that myself again...

I know firsthand how tiring and trying the diagnosis process is ... It was in my country anyway... Hang in there... It will be a relief when it's over and you know what exactly you're dealing with level wise because then creating a learning plan is simpler...

I've been there (s13) so if I can help, I'm here...

[Kalni]

Distraction is good...
Hugs
K

[flowmom]

Thanks for your posts everyone. Always means a lot.

Rlay -- I replied to you in your thread.

DG -- I'm in the same country as you .

June -- Helping others helps me, as long as I keep it in balance.

About the distraction...just a friend helping me remember myself. Nothing more

[flowmom]

journalling:

So yesterday was a very fun family bonding day.

In the morning we all got together for a playdate with the children.

Then in the afternoon and evening I spent time with my parents and Smart Sister and BIL...without kids! It was a very rare treat (my parents live 6000 km away so visits are infrequent).

In the afternoon we went on a short but stunning hike through an old growth forest to the seashore where the sun was shining and the waves were crashing on the rock shore. Bliss.

Then in the evening my mom and sister and I primped and BIL served us champagne . Everyone in our party was looking fab. I was dressed down in slim black pants and cami, but wearing a flashy junk necklace (ssssshh! don't tell D3 I borrowed it without asking ).

We walked to the Italian supper club which featured full-on atmosphere (we got the coveted corner banquette), great Italian cuisine, and absolutely cheesy and over-the-top entertainment. The owner (think Guido) and his band belted out medley after medley featuring the kind of music that you'd expect from a wedding reception. The highlight was the singer donning a mask and treating us to an except from Phantom of the Opera. TOO funny . We were all having a blast on the dance floor. My parents really know how to have fun and none of us were taking ourselves seriously. A classic moment was when I accompanied my mother to the bathroom and she started howling with laughter while in the stall upon realizing that she was wearing a garter belt but no stockings. She's a real ham sometimes, and she decided to stuff the garter into the bra to hide it.

There were some difficult moments. My mother expressed some sadness that H wasn't with us. I think she verbalized something that was quite palpable. Also, I think I was the only single person in the entire restaurant! But I kept positive.

I had the usual too-short night's sleep and woke up feeling less PMA than usual. A friend asking about my sitch triggered the tears (first time in a long time), and unfortunately H came home early with the children and I'm sure my distress was quite visible. That's probably only the third time that I've been visibly upset since the separation, but it didn't feel good to be struggling to pull it together and welcoming my children back at the same time.

I'm not sure what it is about the sitch that leaves me with a stunned disbelief..."how did I end up here?". But there just isn't much room for denial. No matter how much I wish otherwise, I think that H is done and I don't believe there's anything I can do about that.

Wishing everyone a great day. And failing that, at least moments of peace.