as we move forward II

[mandyloo]

anyhows, ex picked son up for match some ten minutes late and off they went, son was in a bit of a mess when he returned he had taken a bad tackle and with the ground being hard it as taken most of his face off, like the top of his lip under his nose is no longer there, all cuts and bruises and grazes all over his face, he looked like he had gone through the windscreen of a car. he is doing nicely now and it is all healing well. dad called me after dropping son off to let me know what had happened, apparantly son was also concussed for a while when it happened and was out cold, so to warn me to keep my eye on him and also told me which creams etc I should put on, maybe he thought I didnt know seen as though I did my first aid course. so that was wednesday, ex called on thursday to see how son was and then low and behold nothing at all since then, it is a good job son is healing and getting better because his a**hole of a father isnt bothered or interested. ex had said that son was wanting to go driving again today, but there as been no arrangements made, it is like ex has shot back in the tunnel, run because son got hurt and he did say on the phone how it looked like a hospital visit when he was out cold. can only think that this must of frightened ex because it as always been me that handled these situations as ex doesnt like blood and pain. I dunno what to say or think anymore, dont understand the man anymore and dont think i ever will. only one more thing to add is the fact that if it had been wifey at sons match and not the ex and son had this accident then she wouldnt of been able to sign for any treatment that son needed, maybe that was gods way of telling ex to stop pushing her into being there where she isnt wanted and definately isnt needed. any hows thanks for reading and thanks for the rant, off to have a day on the beer, chin up people way to go x

[job]

Mandy,
I'm so sorry to read about your son's injuries. I do hope he's doing better. That was a nasty spill he took.

Yes, the wifey and your X are like to spoiled brats wanting their way. I've seen that same behavior in my X as well. When they want something, they are all way too nice, but when they don't get their way, they "punish" those who do not give in.

They've not grown up yet. Will they ever? Time will tell. In the meantime, take care of yourself and your son. He's a very smart young man and can see the writing on the wall when it comes to his father.

[forward]

ML,
You know, wifey and S have a situation that is similar to the dynamics of DBing when you have a spouse who wants out.

Your S probably still distrusts X and will carry scars of being abandoned. The fact that wifey did not seem to encourage X to be around S in those crucial years is revealing of her character as well. He needs time to rebuild R w/his dad--not a small task--and not be forced to deal with her, as you know. If she had better emotional intelligence, she would BACK OFF.

The more she pushes/they push, the more he is going to resist. This is especially true because he is a teen. If she left him alone and tried to respect his feelings, there would be a better chance that he would come around. If anything, she is sealing the deal and creating a dynamic where he will never get along with her.

I guess from the perspective of happiness of son (not DBing), it is tricky.

By the way, second marriages often fail because of dynamics exactly like these.

[mandyloo]

I thank you for your replies snodderley and forward, and forward I have to agree wholeheartedly, snodderley thanks for being my guiding star, ooops been on the beer so spelling might be a bit off center, haha x

[job]

You are too funny! What type of beer are you drinking?

Enjoy your week!

[BeingMe]

Hi Mandy! Ugh, your XH sure is an idiot! I bet you have to hold yourself back from giving him and that ridiculous "wifey" a piece of your mind. I just don't know how you do it.

Hope your S heals quickly. My S also had his face dented with rugby (and rollerblading) and broke his teeth even though he was wearing a guard. Boys!!!! Sons sure give a mum different problems indeed.

[mandyloo]

Beingme thanks for your reply, thankfully son is healing good, I am surprised his teeth are indeed still intact and ok, sometimes wish he would take up a less dangerous sport, but if he enjoys it let him be. x
ex let son down again yesterday, when he spoke to me on thursday asking how son was doing he mentioned that he was taking son out sunday morning and was that ok with me, yesterday came and no contact to son from ex, son phoned ex who replied it was too late to go anywhere now, that was at mid-day, so son felt let down again by this stupid moron of a father.
told son yet again to let it ride, this is just his fathers way of sulking because he isnt getting his own way, myself and son are going out for lunch today, to hell with his son of a bitch father, we are better off without him x

[forward]

ML, I would tell X that your son was disappointed. Not blaming or angry, just something straight up.

[mandyloo]

Forward thank you for your reply, I wont tell ex that son was disappointed because I have come to know that if I tell ex he is upsetting son he seems to do it all the more. He as however got his head out of his a** today and picked son up and took him to what they were going to do yesterday, albeit it was later than yesterday by two hours, cant understand why it wasnt too late today. he is just been a total jerk, if I say anything to him he does the opposite, so there is no point. also son said to me today that he asked dad why he didnt text mum yesterday to get him up and ex's reply was that he didnt want to text and phone mum. see what I mean forward it is like going round in circles, he phones me and texts me if son doesnt take his calls but now he is playing silly billies, and if son doesnt take his call he isnt phoning me to get in touch with son, so he will punish son by not picking him up, it is absolutely stupid, ex is just like a spoilt little boy and hes getting worse at it. then on the other hand if it is in his interest to phone or text me then I suppose he will, I cant really be bothered if he does or not. and I have to say that the last call I had off him last thursday I found he was strange, and maybe he is feeling too comfortable talking to me on the phone, whatever Im past caring, x

[forward]

Maybe it would be better for you to encourage S to tell X how he feels. That's probably better than you saying anything anyway.