How do I save my marriage to husband in MLC?

[RLay1100]

Hi:-) I began posting a few days ago on "We're Seperated- Now What?" My topic was "My husband hates [my] guts and wants to live single."
I definately believe my husband (age 37) is going through a MLC after reading quite a bit on the subject over the weekend.

-He is suddenly a different person, throwing all his morals, previous goals, responsibilities, marriage of 9 years (11 years together) out the door.

-He bought a race car and began racing a few months ago. All of his extra money and time goes into working on the race car.

-He started hanging out with a much younger crowd (18,19,20 year-olds). (Before, he was happier spending time with his wife and kids, but now he never wants to spend time with us.)

-He lost his job and is happy to sit home living off of unemployment checks. (He had previously been a very dedicated worker who took pride in providing a good income for his family.)

-He was so upset with his graying hair he dyed it.

-In February, my husband got a big, expensive tattoo across his back (not something he'd ever expressed interest in before).

-After 11 years together, he wants nothing to do with me and will not even consider us getting back together now that we are living separately. He is so angry and resentful toward me even though he is the one who wanted the separation, blaming me for our "hellish" marriage. I am nice and in no way displaying any kind of anger or spitefulness, but he continues to be very nasty toward me during any contact.

-Now that we are separated, my husband says he wants to pursue other women to see if I'm really what he wants and if his feelings for me will change ("I love you, but not IN love with you).

All of this is breaking my heart into pieces. I am wondering where in the world my husband has went, and will he ever return. I miss him. I love him with all my heart and can't understand why he hates me so much.
Our marriage had a lot of tension, especially since he announced to me in November 2009 that he felt he wasn't in love with me anymore. My husband had agreed to stay with me and work on our marriage, but I sabotaged that with my desperate, needy, clingy behavior in reaction to knowing our marriage was on the brink of divorce. I drove him crazy with constantly wanting to talk about our problems, and asking him if there was another woman, or why didn't he love me anymore, how could I win his love back, can't we just be happy and forget about even considering divorce. Every time he wanted to go out with his friends, I wanted to go or questioned him when he came back home. I realize now that I drove my husband further away with my desperate behavior.

Now, he says he can't stand to be around me, hates me, and I won't give him some time and space to figure out if he can ever be in love with me again. He still maintains he loves and cares about me, but he doesn't love me like he should his wife anymore. He feels that if we reconcile he will just be miserable. I am wondering if there is any hope in saving my marriage when he feels like this. How do I get him past the anger and resentment and blaming of me for everything bad in his life? He is so cold and non-receptive to me right now, even though I am being nice. How do I win him back if he starts seeing other women?

I can't believe this is happening to us. We were so in love not too long ago, raising our three beautiful children. Now, he is so unhappy with me and our marriage, he has broken up our family and doesn't seem to care at all. Any advice on how to handle my husband's erratic, hostile behavior and how to save my marriage? Thank you in advance:-)


I am 33.
Husband is 37.
Three children (boys)- ages 13, 10, and 9
"I love you but not IN love with you."- Nov. 2009
Physically (not legally, though) separated- April 8, 2010